


Worth A Thousand Words

by sincelight



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, M/M, Murder, Serial Killer, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Sociopath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 18:40:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincelight/pseuds/sincelight
Summary: It's easy to make Minseok believe Luhan is all he'll ever need. It's even easier to hold him down and show him that he's worthless.





	Worth A Thousand Words

**Author's Note:**

> Please take the tagged warnings very seriously with this one. Luhan is an extremely twisted person, and things only get worse as the story progresses. 
> 
> The story switches back and forth between past and present all the way until the end, so I'll have the events that takes place in the past italicized so hopefully there won't be any confusion.

Foreword

 

_“Mom, I’m gonna go ride my bike in the park, okay? I’ll be home before dinner, I promise!”_

_The search party fell just short of one hundred people. Day and night, rain or shine, they trekked the small, but thick woods at the edge of town, wandering with only one goal in mind: find the boy. It had been four days since the initial missing persons report went through the police station, flashing on every tv within the tri-county area, playing over and over on every local radio station. Four days, and there was no sign of the missing kid. There were no clues, no evidence left behind, no leads. Nothing pointing anyone in the right direction. The worst part, what everyone knew but didn’t want to voice, was that they all knew they were looking for nothing more than a body to bring home to the parents._

_The boy was Byun Baekhyun. Ten years old, 4’9”, 86 lbs, brown eyes, beauty mark on his left thumb, hair dyed a soft bubblegum pink. Last seen riding his bicycle along the river running through Swinging Bridge Park. The people of the small town had his description memorized word for word, his face ingrained in their minds. He was a happy kid, always smiling, always making others laugh, and his mother just couldn’t understand why anyone would want to hurt such a wonderful young boy. She appeared on tv on his fifth night missing, after his bicycle was recovered by the search party, near the edge of the woods. She begged and pleaded, asked that if Baekhyun was still out there, if he was still alive, to please return her baby to her. She told Baekhyun she loved him and that they would never stop looking for him, that she wouldn’t give up until she had him home, safe and sound._

_The next morning, 7:43 am, Baekhyun’s body was recovered from the river, puffy, pale, cold. The parents, the entire town was devastated. The police spent the following weeks trying to piece together anything they could. Why was his bicycle found carefully propped against a tree in the woods, but his body almost a mile away in the river? Why couldn’t they seem to find his clothes? What kind of monster would do something like this?_

_A medical examination concluded the boy was killed before being placed in the river. His body severely beaten and broken, shattered ribs, broken arm, lacerations up and down his torso; all injuries inflicted postmortem. The medical examiner suggested the mother not come look at the body. The jaw was crushed, seemingly by the killer’s foot, and the list of internal damage was too long to recite from memory when the mother asked. She asked about how Baekhyun was found without clothes, if he suffered before death. The examiner didn’t have the heart to speak the truth out loud, but his somber look told her what she wanted to know, and she broke down in her husband’s arms._

_The crime shook the town, left his family and friends heart broken, leaving them to always wonder who and why. Stripped of his innocence, strangled, beaten, then dumped in a river, Byun Baekhyun suffered a terrible death that would be remembered for a very long time._

* * *

 

 

"No going back now." Luhan is smiling, eyes wide to take in the sight before him. He blinks quickly, a few times, trying to unstick his eyelashes; the blood is tacky, like drying glue holding them together. "Min?"

The distinct sound of Minseok hyperventilating isn't enough to pull Luhan’s attention away from what he'd done. He uses his foot to push at his mother's cheek, turning her head sideways. 

"Min calm down, it's not so bad." 

He does turn now, smiles brightly at Minseok who can't seem to catch his breath. He strides over, all the confidence in the world, and grabs Minseok's shoulders, turns him toward the mess on the floor. 

"Look baby, it's not bad, really." He gives his boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek and giggles, clearly on a high from the kill, giddy with excitement. When his boyfriend still hasn't moved, still frozen in terror, staring at the dead woman on the floor, Luhan sighs. "Min, she was a bitch, she deserved it. I- I had to do it, she was going to send me away."

"Well now you're gonna go to jail!" Minseok shrieks in horror. "Now you'll be gone forever instead of just in a hospital!" 

Luhan draws his eyebrows together and gives a harsh, annoyed sigh. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend and smiles, uses a hand to pull his chin up. "Oh, baby, that's not gonna happen. I'm not going anywhere." 

Minseok sniffles, he really wants to believe Luhan. "H- how can you be so sure?" 

The smirk on Luhan's face is menacing. "Because, love, you're going to help me get rid of the body. I either don't get caught," he pauses to kiss Minseok hard on the lips, "or we go to prison together." 

Minseok still looks terrified, but a wave of relief washes over him. Either way, he'll still have his Luhan. 

"Now," Luhan squeezes both of Minseok's shoulders before turning to the task at hand, "help me get this awful bitch outta here." 

They work together, lifting the woman from under her arms and at the knees. Tears slide down Minseok’s face as he huffs, trying not to lose his grip on the dead weight in his arms; he’s never even seen a dead body before and now he’s carrying one. He looks up at Luhan, eerily calm as he walks backwards down the stairs with his mother’s dead body in his arms. It sends a chill down Minseok’s spine; Luhan seems… numb to the situation.

“How much further?” Luhan asks, trying to turn his head, but he loses his footing and nearly slips. 

Minseok’s chin trembles when he attempts to speak and a soft squeak comes out instead of words. He clears his throat, “Um, just… just a few more steps.”

“Good,” Luhan nods, adjusting his arms to get a better grip, “she’s fucking heavy.”

Once they make it off the stairs it’s easier. Minseok watches his feet, too afraid to look at Luhan’s mother’s face. Her eyes are still open and he can’t bring himself to look into them, too afraid that he’ll never be able to get the sight out of his mind.

They drop her body in the grass at their feet. Luhan steps away, leaving Minseok alone with the body as he goes into the garage. Minseok can hear Luhan shuffling through things inside, wonders what he’s doing, what he’s looking for. But his question is answered as Luhan walks around the side of the garage, holding a shovel and, to Minseok’s confusion, a baseball bat. 

Luhan is walking at a leisurely pace, small smile turning up the corner of his mouth. He has the shovel resting against his shoulder, metal end pointing up into the air, the sun shines off of it and Minseok squints as it hits his eyes. The bat, Luhan twirls in his left hand, stopping only when he’s a few feet from Minseok.

“Lu, what… uh, whats that for?”

Luhan swings the shovel, sticks the metal end into the grass and leans his weight on it, giving Minseok a bright smile. “It’s to dig a grave, of course,” he says as if it’s obvious.

Minseok shakes his head, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “No, I meant the bat. What are you gonna do with that?”

Luhan decides not to answer. He huffs in amusement, pulls the shovel out of the ground and tosses it to Minseok. He resumes swinging the bat, making a small figure eight pattern in front of him. He smiles. “Start digging,” he says, pointing the end of the bat at Minseok’s face, “now.”

Minseok nods, sucks in a shaky breath. His hands wrap tight around the wood of the shovel and he kicks at it with his foot, burying the metal into the ground. He pulls a scoop of earth and grass up and tosses it aside, buries the shovel once again and repeats the process. He doesn’t stop until he hears a sudden cracking sound, loud and unpleasant, from behind him. He turns and jumps again, feeling a warm wetness splatter against his face. “Luhan! What are you doing?”

Luhan doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look up. He slams the bat into his mother’s face, laughing as the bones break, shatter, blood pours out, spatters the ground around her. He swings again, hitting her chest, breaking her ribs. The sound scares Minseok and he yelps, jumps back and drops the shovel. “Keep digging,” Luhan orders in a gruff voice, not looking up at his terrified boyfriend. He hits his mother a few more times, laugh building in his chest and bubbling over, hysterical, evil. 

Once the hole is dug, Luhan helps Minseok drag the body into it. He tosses the bat in carelessly, chuckling at the way it lands on his mother’s already broken face. It doesn’t take long to refill the hole with dirt, using the shovel to smooth it out, try to make it look natural. Luhan takes the shovel from Minseok and they walk around the garage in silence. Minseok is trembling, seconds away from a mental breakdown. He can’t believe what he’d just done, what he’d just helped Luhan do. 

Luhan tosses the shovel into the garage, shuts the door and throws an arm over Minseok’s shoulder, leading them both into the house. He holds Minseok tight, keeping the trembling body close to his, gives his shoulder a tight squeeze. “See, that wasn’t so bad,” Luhan says breathily, happily.

Minseok almost agrees, the smile Luhan gives him is almost enough, but he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror in the hallway and drops to the floor. He grips his knees, pulling them close to his chest as he gulps down heavy breaths. He’s covered in blood. Drenched in red all down his front. He’s covered in the blood of the woman he just watched Luhan strangle to death. His tears begin to fall again and he rocks, arms wrapped tight around his legs.

Luhan sighs, crouches down beside the hysterical boy and tries to pull his arms free, tries to get Minseok to look up at him. He clenches his jaw, lets an angry breath through his nose. “Minseok, look at me.” But Minseok doesn’t look up, just keeps having his breakdown. “I…” Luhan tries to tug Minseok’s arms again, but he wont budge. “I said,” he grabs Minseok’s hair with one hand and pulls, “fucking look at me.” He gives a rough tug and Minseok yelps, neck craning to look up at Luhan. “Stop crying and stand up,” he orders. 

Minseok stands on trembling legs, uses the wall to hold himself up. He can barely breathe, trying his hardest to gulp down deep breaths and stop crying. “I— I’m sorry!”

Luhan watches a tear drip down Minseok’s cheek, mix with a spot of blood, and continue down to curve under his chin. He leans in close, sticks his tongue out, and licks a thick stripe up the side of Minseok’s face. Minseok whimpers and thats all Luhan needs to hear before he’s shoving him into the wall, pulling at his clothes. There’s always been something about blood that Luhan’s found appealing, and covered in blood, Minseok is irresistible. 

It’s rough, Luhan has always been this way. Biting, scratching, choking, it’s something Minseok has learned to love, learned to need. Luhan’s fingers wrapped around his neck is something he longs for now, the pain of nails digging into his skin a reward for being good. He trembles at the names Luhan calls him, the way his skin stings where he’s hit; he comes with Luhan's teeth digging into his shoulder and blood dripping from where nails cut into the skin.

Luhan lights a cigarette, smoking is something he does on occasion. After sex, after killing someone, Minseok’s learned they’re one and the same. They both sit, panting on the floor. Their bloody clothes in a pile beside them, likely staining the carpet, something Minseok would have to clean later. A dog barks from somewhere outside and Luhan’s head snaps to the side, a scowl on his face. Minseok knows of Luhan’s distaste for dogs, he says they’re too loud. Minseok thinks they’re cute.

“I hate dogs,” Luhan speaks into the silence.

Minseok props himself up on his elbows, biting at his bottom lip. “I know,” he nods. 

Minseok really wants a dog.

 

* * *

 

 

_There is a bouncy little golden retriever that Minseok can’t stop thinking about. Ever since he saw him last week in the shop window, hopping, rolling, licking the glass where his fingers touched, he can’t keep his mind off of how badly he wants the little guy. He’s cute and small and absolutely perfect and Minseok wants him desperately. He begged his mom, tugged on her pant legs, but he was told no, and Minseok knew no meant no. So when he comes home from school two days later to the sound of tiny yips, little feet padding on the tiled kitchen floor, Minseok nearly bursts with excitement._

_He’d had the name picked out since the moment he’d seen the puppy. “I’ll call you Bandit!” Minseok squeals, arms stretching out to make grabby hands at the puppy running toward him. He shuffles out of his backpack and coat just in time to be tackled and attacked by happy, excited puppy kisses. He giggles and rolls around on the floor with Bandit, noticing only after a few minutes, his mother standing in the doorway, smiling down at them._

_“Happy early birthday sweetie,” his mother says, chuckling softly as Bandit bounces over to her to chew on her shoes. “You’re ten now, Minnie, a big boy. You have to be sure to take good care of Bandit, alright?”_

_Minseok smiles, showing his teeth, and nods excitedly up at his mother. “Of course, Mom! I’ll be  very nice to him! I’ll play with him every day and take him for walks!” He scoops Bandit up into his arms, hugs him close and ruffles the fur between his ears. “Would you like to go for a walk?” He looks to his mother, “Can I take him? Huh? Just to the park around the block?” His giddiness is easy to see and his mother just can’t say no, handing the overexcited boy a dark red leash, matching the color of the collar on Bandit._

_“Be sure to be home before it gets dark, sweetie,” his mother calls as he runs through the front door, not even stopping to make sure it closes completely._

_The neighborhood Minseok lives in is a small, close knit community of under a thousand people. The kind of town where everyone knows each other and someone’s business is the entire town’s. It’s quiet and calm and safe, and nothing bad ever happens here. Minseok takes frequent walks to the small park around the block from his house on his own, because his mother knows nothing bad could ever happen._

_The park itself is tiny: a swing set, a slide and a small sandbox in the back corner. It isn't much compared to the bigger neighborhood’s parks, but it’s enough for the town’s kids to run around and play tag. Minseok spends countless hours here with his friends, running and laughing, coming home in tears with scraped knees and bruised elbows; and now, he’ll spend countless more with Bandit. There is a small river that runs alongside the park toward the back, it’s fenced off as a safety precaution and Minseok never bothers with it. He doesn’t like to break rules. Even when his friend Jongin convinced a few of the other kids to climb the fence to investigate, he shook his head and told them his mom told him not to go near the river._

_“Bandit!” Minseok shouts, gulps down a deep breath as he runs behind the pup. He let hours pass, the sun slowly moved down behind the tree line, and Minseok gasps, realizing it’s time to get home. Bandit, however, is running further away from Minseok and closer to the fence by the river. This makes Minseok nervous; what if Bandit jumps over the fence and falls into the river? He runs as fast as his little legs can carry him, trying his best to catch up to the puppy. To his surprise, Bandit doesn’t try to jump the fence. He stops just before it, growling and barking, soft little yips causing his entire little body to hop off the ground._

_“It’s late, Bandit!” Minseok says when he finally reaches the fence. “Mom said we gotta be home.” He tries to get the dog’s attention, calls his name and claps his hands, but it’s no use; Bandit is fixated on something beyond the fence. Minseok steps up beside Bandit and grasps the top of the fence, trying his best to see just what has the little pup going so crazy. He stretches up onto his tip toes, but sees nothing, just the river flowing as usual._

_“Come on,” Minseok whines, stepping back and clapping his hands. “Bandit, please, you’re gonna get me in big trouble!” Another minute passes with unthreatening barks and a growl that sounds more like a cat’s purr, and finally, Bandit calms, turns to Minseok with a wagging tail and tongue hanging out. Minseok takes one last peek over the fence and shrugs, “Lets get home now.”_

_The pair return home just before the streetlights turn on and Minseok lets out a relieved sigh. He won’t be in trouble and he’ll be allowed to take Bandit to the park again tomorrow. He opens the gate to let Bandit run ahead to the front door where his mother is already waiting for them. She hurriedly ushers Minseok inside, taking the leash from him and helping him pull his jacket off. “I have dinner already set out, sweetie,” she says as she walks her son into the dining room. They talk about Bandit as they eat, she asks how school is going, how his friend Jongdae is. When they finish eating she cleans up while Minseok sits in the living room playing with Bandit, until his mom pokes her head into the room to announce his bedtime._

_“I’ll let Bandit out for you sweetie, you go get to bed,” his mother says, giving him a kiss on the top of his head and a gentle hug. “Sweet dreams.”_

_Minseok can’t sleep right away. He huffs and turns onto his side, then flops over onto his stomach. He can’t get comfortable and he also can’t stop thinking about what Bandit could have possibly been barking at earlier in the park. But, he does finally get to sleep, and when he wakes up he spends another day with Bandit at the park. That’s what his days become, the entire duration of Spring Break, he spends at the park and taking Bandit on walks. He’s a friendly dog that craves attention from everyone they walk by, and with eyes as big and cute as he’s got, no one can refuse to give bandit a quick scratch between the ears._

   
 

_“Hello.”_

_Minseok jumps in shock at the sudden voice, the hand grabbing his shoulder. He turns and immediately calms; it’s just a kid. “You have pink hair like me!” he says excitedly, wanting to reach out and touch the taller boy’s hair._

_“So it seems,” the boy says, gives Minseok a bright smile. “What’s your name?”_

_“Um, Minseok! What’s yours?”_

_The boy smiles once again. Minseok likes the way he smiles, he has a pretty face and his smile only makes it better. “Luhan.” He leans closer to Minseok, smile still spread wide on his face. “I couldn’t help but notice you were walking all by yourself. Where are your parents?”_

_Minseok gives a quick, nervous look around the park. Bandit is by the swings, getting a belly rub from a couple of kids. “Well, my house is just around the block so my mom lets me walk here.” Minseok’s brows furrow and he looks down at his feet, twists his hands together. “Are you here by yourself?” The taller boy stares down, unblinking, the corner of his lip upturned just slightly. Minseok can’t explain how or why, maybe it's how empty and black the boy's eyes seem, but it gives him a weird feeling, like he should run away. He doesn’t run, instead just stands and waits for the boy to answer his question._

_“I’m always by myself,” Luhan finally answers. He steps closer to Minseok and the younger gulps, this boy made him feel uneasy. “It’s getting late, Minseok, you should let me walk you home.”_

_Minseok blinks a few times, “W— why?”_

_Luhan’s arm slips over Minseok’s shoulder now as he begins walking them toward where Bandit is. He doesn’t speak at first and Minseok is confused and nervous, but he doesn’t stop what’s happening. “You never know what kinda bad person could come sweep you away,” Luhan turns to look down at Minseok, gives him a small, crooked smile. “Cute little boys shouldn't go walking around alone at night, it’s not safe.”_

_“It’s not?” Minseok asks, eyebrows raised, eyes wide. His mouth is stuck hanging open; his mother always told him they lived in the safest town ever, was she wrong?_

_“Didn’t your father ever teach you about strangers?”_

_Minseok stops walking suddenly, pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “I—“ he looks up to Luhan and makes a sad pouty face, “I don’t have a dad.”_

_Luhan’s face visibly lights up, eyebrows shooting up high, a small smirk curves at the corner of his lips. “Really,” he huffs and bites at his bottom lip, “interesting.”_

_Minseok is going to say something; he wants to ask Luhan a question, but he’s interrupted by his mother’s voice randomly calling his name. His head shoots up and he can see her standing at the edge of the park, arms crossed over her chest. He notices now that the streetlight have already turned on, making him late for dinner. He groans and quickly calls for Bandit, attaching the leash to his collar once he runs over. Just before he can turn and walk away, Luhan grabs his wrist._

_“We should be friends, Minseok.”_

_Minseok nods, a blank look stuck on his face. “Yeah, okay.”_

_“Okay.” Luhan stares for a moment longer, eyes narrowed slightly, and then he nods and steps back. Minseok’s back is turned to him, but he watches. His eyes follow Minseok and his mother, the dog, until they all disappear through the door of the second house off the corner. He’ll remember it easily. He begins his walk back home, making a point to go out of his way so he can stroll slowly past Minseok’s house. The windows are open, he can just make out a little pink head of hair over the top of the windowsill. He hears the dog yipping away in the backyard and closes his eyes, takes a long slow inhale followed by a shaky breath out as his neutral expression turns into a scowl._

 

* * *

 

 

“Good morning, Ms. Kim,” Luhan says with that honey sweet voice. “You look lovely today.” He smiles, closes his eyes as Minseok’s mother runs a hand through his hair, resting it on his cheek as she hums, pleased with the wonderful boy her son has found.

“You’re such a charmer, Luhan.” Her eyes are narrowed, showing a fondness that Luhan eats up, uses to his advantage. Ms. Kim turns then, to her son, and mimics her pose, placing a hand on Minseok’s cheek and giving him a sweet smile. She kisses his forehead and squeezes his shoulder. “So what are you boys doing here so early?” she asks, turning her attention to the dishes she was washing before they walked in.

“Well, we—“

“We came to get some clothes for Minseok,” Luhan interjects, stepping between Minseok and his mother. He quickly scans the room, tacky in its decoration, and holds back a scowl. “We’re going on a trip, you see,” he smiles, bats his pretty eyes, “probably for a week, so Minseok wanted to come pack some of his things.” He doesn’t look away from Ms. Kim, just grips Minseok’s arm to push him to the side, toward the door. “I’ll tell her all about our trip, you go pack, okay?”

Minseok opens his mouth to speak but Luhan’s attention is already back to his mother. He frowns only momentarily, then turns, walking down the hallway toward his bedroom. When the door opens it feels like a weight is lifted off of him. He hasn’t been in his room in so long, he’d almost forgot what it looks like. There are pictures of him and his old friends littering the walls, posters of movies he’d liked. Books are strewn about the room, some still open, half-read, waiting for him to return to them. He plucks one off the desk and sits on his bed, running his fingers over the pages. He thinks he should feel sad, feeling like a stranger in his own bedroom, but he feels nothing. He sighs, lays back on the bed.

He didn't sleep well last night, dragged into terrifying dreams every time he managed to doze off. He saw blood behind his eyes, lots of it, red and thick and still warm. He heard Luhan’s mother’s screams, her pleas for help, begging for her life. In his dreams, Luhan’s eyes were dark, more so than usual and Minseok woke up more than once gasping for breath, shaking in fear. Luhan slept beside him, but this Luhan, real Luhan looked so innocent, so peaceful as he slept. How could he be responsible for what will haunt Minseok in his dreams from now on?

He allows himself a quiet moment to think, finally alone. It’s easy to melt into his bed, book opened, resting face down on his chest. He feels like a kid again, resting after a long day playing in the park with his friends. Feels like any minute Kyungsoo will walk in the room asking him for another round of tag. Instead, there is only silence, an eerie calmness that unsettles him to the bones. 

He opens his eyes. Luhan is standing over him, there’s blood on his cheek, painting over his lips that are twisted into a smirk. Minseok’s heart races as he sits up, closes the book and sets it beside him. He feels panic, fear maybe? He isn't sure anymore. “What…”

Luhan’s eyes darken and he leans forward, presses both hands flat on the mattress. He’s pushing Minseok back, breathing heavily, the breath hot against Minseok’s skin. “She asks too many questions,” Luhan says, looking down into Minseok’s wide eyes.

Minseok gasps, sits up, the books flies off of his chest, landing closed on his carpet. It was just a dream. He takes a deep breath, lets himself calm before getting to his feet. He hurries to pack his clothes; he doesn’t know how long he’ll be gone, where he’s even going, so he fills a duffle bag. He stops halfway through zipping it closed to grab the book from the floor. He turns it over, smiling a bit. _The Catcher in the Rye_. He tosses it into his bag and zips it.

“Are you ready?” Luhan asks, crossing the kitchen to press a gentle kiss to Minseok’s forehead. He waits for Minseok to nod and takes the bag from his shoulder, pulling him closer by the arm. Luhan’s lips press to Minseok’s ear, “Tell your mother you love her.”

Minseok doesn’t question, just obeys. He crosses the kitchen, not thinking of what Luhan’s words might mean. His arms slip around his mother’s waist and he squeezes. “I love you, mom.” She looks at him, surprised, but smiling happily, and pats at his head as she returns the hug. “I’ll see you when we get back.” Luhan’s face is expressionless when he pulls out of the hug and turns to face him.

“Lets go,” he nods at Minseok, holding the bag out to him. “Goodbye, Ms. Kim.”

  


They drive. Minseok doesn’t know for how long, but the sun begins to set behind them, the road ahead darkens and the city lights fade out into a flat, grassy landscape. He’s not even sure where they are anymore. The road signs begin to blur, all mixing into the scenery as Luhan speeds down the highway. He tries to convince himself they’re really just going on a trip. They’re going on a weeklong vacation, staying in a nice hotel; they’ll smile and laugh and do normal, couple things. It’s a vacation, not running.

And Minseok starts to think that, just maybe, Luhan doesn’t see it as running either. He’s calm. Friendly with cashiers at gas stations, smiling and laughing, easily being his usual charming self. Maybe they really aren’t running after all, maybe Luhan knows what he’s doing and Minseok has nothing to worry about. This thought allows him to relax into his seat, hands finally loosening their grip on his seatbelt as Luhan switches radio stations. He looks left, admires the way the moonlight seems to make the edges of Luhan’s face glow. He thinks, if everyone could see Luhan like this, they’d finally understand just what Minseok sees in him. Minseok turns his attention back to the road ahead of them, _everyone_ , that word sticks in his head. Who is everyone? He doesn’t have anyone anymore, not even Bandit. 

“What’s wrong with you?”

Minseok snaps his head up to look at Luhan, his eyes aren't on the road, they’re fixed on him. “I— nothing is wrong.” He smiles, it’s shaky, “I’m fine.” 

Luhan looks to the road then back to Minseok. “How many times have I told you, you can’t lie to me. I know when you’re lying.” He loses interest, puts his attention back on the dark road, lips curved into a small smile.

Minseok watches Luhan for a second longer; he wonders what he’s thinking of, why he’s smiling. Why would he be smiling if he so clearly knows something is wrong? Minseok’s chin trembles as he chews the skin inside his cheek, “Um…” He’s not sure what he wants to say. “I think… I think I just miss Bandit.”

Luhan’s mouth opens to let out a mocking scoff, an amused smirk on his lips. His eyes shift only momentarily toward Minseok. “It went missing eight years ago,” his hand twists around the steering wheel, grip tightening, “you have to get over that eventually.”

Minseok looks to the road ahead and nods silently. He doesn’t know if Luhan sees this so he hums, agreeing with him. He knows he needs to get over it, it was a long time ago. He’d only had Bandit for a few months, anyway. Why should he still be so attached? “I just think maybe… because I don’t know what happened to him, it—“

“He ran away, Minseok,” Luhan says without looking to him. “He’s gone. He’s been gone, stop thinking about it.” Theres a brief moment of silence where Minseok waits for Luhan to speak again, blinking up at him, waiting for comforting words. “Maybe he died,” Luhan shrugs, “who knows?”

Minseok nods once again, “Maybe.”

The ride is silent after that, leaving Minseok alone in his head to think. He pushes the mystery of his missing puppy out of his head and lets his mind wander. He watches road signs pass, one after another, getting further from everything Minseok has always known. He thinks about his mother, the smile she gave him as they said goodbye earlier in the day. He wonders when the next time he’ll see that smile will be. That thought makes him shift uncomfortably in his seat; he loves his mother, very much. She’s always been all he’s ever had… until Luhan came along anyway. Thats not entirely true, he thinks to himself, he did have friends at one point, lots of friends. He can’t remember exactly how he lost them, he looks left, maybe it had something to do with Luhan?

Minseok falls asleep shorty after the sky goes dark. When he wakes, they’re still on the freeway, Luhan’s hand still grips the steering wheel tightly as he looks straight ahead. He looks over to Minseok suddenly, the later smiles sweetly at him. 

“We’re stopping soon,” Luhan says without looking over. “I need to sleep.”

They pull into a small, rundown motel’s parking lot. Minseok is told to wait in the car while Luhan goes in to get them a room. Minutes later Luhan returns to the car and leads Minseok to their room. It’s nothing special, one bed, a small tv, and a relatively clean bathroom. Minseok lies on the bed and immediately falls asleep. 

Minseok jolts awake in the morning, sitting upright and gasping for breath. He goes into the bathroom and looks in the mirror, checking his skin for blood. He sighs, another dream about Luhan’s mother. Luhan isn't in the room, a quick turn of his head tells him. So he gets ready for the day, whatever that may entail. 

He’s always liked to sing, since he was young. His mother used to always sing along with him. Luhan doesn’t like his singing, so he rarely does it anymore. But Luhan isn’t here, he thinks as he slips out of his clothes and turns the shower on, so he sings. He likes the feel of the water running down his body; it’s so nice and warm and feels like heaven as he runs fingers through his hair. It’s been pink since he was a little kid, something he begged and begged his mother to let him do until she finally gave in. He thought of dying it a natural brown a few years ago but Luhan told him not to, told him he liked that their hair matched. 

The soap runs down his body, along with his hands; he flinches slightly as his fingertips trail over a bruise on his side. It’s a bruise Luhan gave him a week ago, a reminder of just how much he loves him, how much he belongs to him; Minseok smiles. He cracks his neck as the last of the shampoo is rinsed from his skin, sighing as he runs his fingers through his hair one last time. The rest of his shower is quick and then he’s stepping out and drying off.

He’s sitting on the edge of the bed pulling his socks on when he hears a dog barking from somewhere outside. He pulls the curtains back just a bit, eyes darting around excitedly. Someone from one of the neighboring rooms is walking across the parking lot; a big, bouncing german shepherd on a leash, nearly pulling them to the park across the street. 

Without thinking, Minseok grabs the door handle. He gives it half a turn before coming to his senses and releasing it. Luhan would be angry if he left the room. But… _Luhan isn’t here_ , he thinks, _how would he know_? So he grabs the second room key from the desk and cautiously opens the door. It’s been much too long since he’s pet a doggy. He wants to pet the doggy.

A half hour later Minseok is out of breath, but has a wide smile on his face as he unlocks his motel room door. He kept a watchful eye on the place, making sure that Luhan hadn’t returned yet, so he thinks he should be okay. He turns the knob and enters the room, Luhan is sitting on the bed facing him, his smile drops off his face.

“Shut the door,” Luhan says in a calm tone. He waits until the lock slides into place before standing, stepping closer to Minseok. “What were you doing? I told you not to leave the room.”

Minseok gulps, sputters, trying to think of something to say. Luhan makes him nervous when he’s like this. “I— I was just at—“

“You smell like a fucking dog.”

Minseok looks at the floor, shame turning his cheeks red. He can feel tears starting to sting at the corners of his eyes and he can’t bring himself to look up at Luhan. “I’m sorry.”

“Go shower,” Luhan says coldly, jerks his arm back when Minseok reaches out to take his hand.

“But, I already showered earlier.”

Luhan’s nostrils flare, “So shower again.” He scoffs and turns away, going back to sit on the bed. He turns the tv on and starts going through the channels. “If you think I’m going to touch you when you smell like that, you’re stupid.”

“Okay,” Minseok mumbles sadly, bottom lip quivering. 

His second shower of the day is less happy. There’s no singing this time, no smiling; he can’t even fully enjoy the warm water enveloping his body. He just feels so hurt. Luhan can be so mean sometimes. But, he knows he doesn’t mean it, he just messes up a lot and Luhan gets upset with him.

The bathroom door opens and Minseok freezes, closes his eyes when the shower curtain begins to slide open. He feels Luhan place a hand on his shoulder blade, drags it down, to the middle of his back. Luhan steps into the shower with him, wraps arms around his waist and bites at his shoulder. “Luhan,” Minseok whimpers. Luhan grunts in response and suddenly his hands are shoving Minseok against the wall, one going down to his ass, fingers wiggling between his cheeks. Minseok cries out when Luhan shoves three fingers into him at once, begins pumping them right away, hard and fast. 

“Does it hurt?” Luhan whispers, leaning closer to Minseok, lips right beside his ear. Minseok chokes down a breath and nods. “Good,” Luhan says, then licks a stripe up the side of Minseok’s neck. “I want you to cry.”

He fucks Minseok against the shower wall, pinning his hands to the wall, his face pressed against the cool tiles. Minseok does cry, it hurts; Luhan doesn’t prepare him much before pushing his cock into him, and then he’s relentless with his thrusts. He alternates between pulling Minseok’s hair and using his grip to press his face hard into the wall. He loves leaving bruises on him, tells him he looks prettier with them, the purples and yellows like a painting across his skin. 

Minseok comes with a cry of Luhan’s name and slumps against the wall as Luhan continues fucking into him. It doesn’t take Luhan long, but the closer his orgasm gets, the more rough his treatment becomes. He gives a harsh tug on Minseok’s hair, digs his nails into the bruise on his waist, bites down hard on his shoulder. Minseok whimpers and tries to wiggle away, but Luhan pins him down until he finishes inside of him. “Finish showering,” he says, then steps out of the shower and pulls the curtain closed. 

Luhan is asleep when he crawls into bed, clean and dry and dressed in his favorite comfy pajamas. He curls into Luhan’s side, expecting him to turn away but is surprised when Luhan remains still. So he smiles, looks up at Luhan’s peaceful, sleeping face and lets his eyes flutter closed. It’s still light out, but the curtains leave the room nearly pitch black. It’s been a long time since he’s taken a midday nap, especially one with Luhan, so he wouldn’t dream of letting this opportunity pass. 

He falls asleep and dreams of the boy in the river.

 

* * *

 

 

_Minseok and Luhan turn twelve together. It’s the turning point in a young boy’s life. They’re no longer children, but not quite teenagers, young and impressionable. At least, Minseok is. Luhan grows into a stunning pre-teen, long limbs and a gentle face and, even if he has a permanent scowl twisting his soft features, Minseok has trouble looking away. He follows Luhan around, lets the slightly older boy lead the way, the conversation, lead Minseok. And Minseok, he’ll do anything for Luhan. All the taller boy has to do is bat his pretty, long eyelashes in his direction and Minseok is falling over himself to obey._

_But it’s not manipulation. It’s really not. Minseok spends nearly an entire year of high school arguing this point with his small group of friends. It comes to a head on a Friday night. He’s at Chanyeol’s house with Kyungsoo and Jongdae and they continue to drill him about whats going on with him._

_“You never hang out with us anymore,” Jongdae says, face twisted in concern._

_“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees, nodding his head, “every time I call you, you say you’re busy doing something with Luhan.”_

_Chanyeol is sitting on the floor, across the coffee table from them, but he scoots closer. “Yeah, Min… we’re worried about you.”_

_Minseok just smiles and shakes his head; his friends can be so dumb. “You guys, I’m fine. It’s just Luhan,” he gives a look around the room; he doesn’t seem to be doing any convincing. He wants to stand up and leave, storm out after yelling at them for always being so mean when it comes to Luhan. He wants to call them jealous and petty and say they’re overreacting. But he doesn’t. He just smiles at them. They’re his friends, the only ones he’s got left, and he’d rather not lose them as well._

_“Min, thats exactly why we’re worried… **because** it’s Luhan.”_

_Minseok balls his fists and clenches his teeth. “You’re not… you guys really believe those stupid rumors?” He blinks, waiting for someone to speak, any one of them. He scoffs at their silence. “I can’t believe you guys really think he would do something like that!”_

_Kyungsoo reaches out to grab Minseok’s wrist. “We saw Yixing’s bruises, Min… and Yeol saw Luhan. He had blood all over his hands.”_

_Minseok stands, eyes cast down, making sure not to make eye contact with any of his friends as his chin trembles. He can’t believe his friends are insulting Luhan like this. Why can’t anyone else ever see that Luhan isn’t like what everyone thinks he’s like? “You’re wrong,” he looks up, glaring at his friends, “all of you. Luhan isn’t like that, he wouldn’t hurt Yixing.”_

_It’s Jongdae who speaks up, it always is. He’s never had a problem voicing his opinion, even if he knows people wont agree with him. He narrows his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “He’s got you all fucked up doesn't he?” Chanyeol and Kyungsoo look to him with shock, Minseok doesn’t speak. “He broke Yixing’s arm last year… beat the shit out of him for basically no reason.”_

_“It’s not true,” Minseok whispers, still unable to look up from the floor._

_“What has he been putting in your head? Why are you sticking up for him?” Jongdae scoffs, “Everyone but you seems to realize something is wrong with him, Min. For fucks sake, what if it’s you next? What if he decides you looked at him wrong and he beats the shit out of you?”_

_“He wouldn’t do that,” Minseok shakes his head quickly, feeling tears pooling around his eyes. He shakes his head and finally snaps his head up to make eye contact. “He… loves me. He would never hurt me.” He gulps, “Yixing… Luhan was… it was self defense. Luhan said Yixing came after him.”_

_Theres an awkward silence that fills the room. The other three, Minseok’s friends, all share a look between each other. Minseok doesn't know how any of this happened. He was supposed to be here to watch a movie, drink some of the liquor from Chanyeol’s parents liquor cabinet. But instead, he’s in an argument, on the verge of losing his only friends._

_“You really think Yixing would start a fight? Yixing?” Jongdae lets out a bitter, mocking laugh. “Luhan’s manipulated you to the point of delusion, Min. Yixing wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone start a fight. Use your fucking brain.”_

_There are no other words exchanged between them after that. Minseok storms from the house, ignoring Chanyeol calling after him. The last thing he hears before slamming the front door is Jongdae’s voice telling them to let him go and Kyungsoo saying that wasn’t cool. He stands at the end of the walkway for a bit, chest heaving as he tries to keep his tears from falling; he’d just lost what was left of his friends. Because of Luhan. He shakes his head, not because of Luhan, because of Jongdae. Because, Jongdae never knows how to keep his big mouth shut. At least he still has Luhan, he thinks as he begins walking down the sidewalk._

_Two weeks later, much to Minseok’s surprise, he gets a call from Kyungsoo, inviting him to go on a weekend snowboarding trip with him and Chanyeol. He agrees, only because he’s assured Jongdae wont be going and, he has to admit, he’s a bit excited. It’s been a long time since he’s left town with his friends and he’s never snowboarded before, it’ll be a lot of fun._

_“Min, we can have a lot more fun if you stay here.” Luhan’s been trying to convince him not to go away for the weekend all week. It’s Friday night and the plan is to be packed up and ready to leave early Saturday morning. Luhan has Minseok in his bed, long, slim arms wrapped around the shorter boy as he pouts. “I’ll miss you.”_

_Minseok nuzzles into Luhan’s neck and chuckles. “Lu, it’ll only be for like a day and a half, you’ll be fine without me.”_

_Luhan releases Minseok and flops onto his back, letting out a heavy sigh. He throws an arm over his eyes to hide his frown. “I don’t want you to go,” he says, laying on an exaggerated sad tone to his words. “Baby, I need you here, this isn't a good weekend for me to be alone.”_

_Minseok sits up a bit, resting his weight on one elbow. “Why, whats this weekend?”_

_“It’s…” Luhan looks away from Minseok, his bottom lip trembling. “No… it’s stupid, forget it.”_

_Minseok nudges him, “Tell me.”_

_“Tomorrow is the anniversary of when my dad died.” Tears line his eyes as he looks to Minseok; he grabs his hand and squeezes. “I don’t want to be alone… but, I know how much you want to go with your friends.” The tears fall now and he sniffles, “You should go, I’ll be okay by myself.”_

_Minseok’s hand falls on Luhan’s knee and he squeezes. “Oh my god, I had no idea!” He gives a sincere, apologetic look to his boyfriend and moves up to give him a proper hug. “I’ll stay. I’ll text Kyungsoo now and tell him I can’t go. You shouldn’t be alone tomorrow.”_

_“No. No, you can’t do that… you were so excited to go.” He kisses the top of Minseok’s head and sighs. “Really, go, I’ll be fine.” Theres a brief pause and then, “I’ll probably just spend the day in my room crying and you don’t want to see that.”_

_Without another word, Minseok rolls over and grabs his phone from the bedside table. He sends a quick text, apologizing to Kyungsoo, telling him he cant make it tomorrow and places it back on the table. He curls into Luhan’s side, wrapping arms around him and tucks his head under Luhan’s chin. “I’m gonna stay with you,” he says, “I cant leave you alone on a day like that.” Minseok cant see it from where he’s positioned below Luhan, but a devious smirk spreads on the taller’s face. In contrast to his grin, he sniffles sadly and whimpers out a thank you._

_They lay still and silent for a few minutes, Minseok’s head placed on Luhan’s chest, listening to his heart beat steadily. “You know what we haven't done that we should try?” He waits for a questioning hum from Minseok, then continues. “I want to fuck you.”_

_Minseok’s body tenses and he sucks in a soft gasp. He doesn’t know what to say. He thinks they’re too young for that, only seventeen years old, but he knows people younger than him that have already had sex. “Um, you do?”_

_Luhan rolls so that he’s on top of Minseok, pins his hands down to the bed. “Of course I do. Don’t you want to?”_

_Minseok averts his eyes and shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess.”_

_“I think you do,” Luhan says, eyes going dark, narrowing as he leans down closer to Minseok. He kisses the side of Minseok’s neck. “I bet you think about it all the time,” he whispers directly into Minseok’s ear. He nibbles at Minseok’s earlobe then kisses the spot just below. His hands slip up into Minseok’s shirt, exposing the soft skin of his flat stomach, his pink nipples. His tongue drags up the center of his chest slowly and he smirks when Minseok shudders. “I bet you’re a dirty little slut, bet you’d beg for me to fuck your tight little ass hard and fast, for me to be rough with you.”_

_Minseok whimpers when his hair is tugged on; his entire body is trembling and he cant seem to form words. “L— Luhan… what—“ He winces at the teeth digging into his skin, breath catching in his chest._

_“Don’t talk,” Luhan growls, hands working to open Minseok’s jeans. “You know you want this just as much as I do, you can’t lie to me.”_

_And, he does want it. He just doesn't know if he wants it like this, with Luhan’s harsh words and sharp movements. But he cant bring himself to say anything. No words come out as Luhan slips his pants down his legs, a few rough tugs and then he’s naked from the waist down. He looks up into Luhan’s normally large eyes, narrowed and dark, and he bites his lip. He trusts Luhan, this will be okay._

_He lets Luhan use his body, pushing and pulling him into different positions, digging nails into his skin with a bruising grip, fucking him ruthlessly to the point that his legs give out and he has tears rolling down his cheeks. He never thought his first time would be romantic or perfect, but he also didn't expect anything like this. Luhan is far from gentle; Minseok cries out in pain more times than he can count. But Luhan only hushes him, tells him he’ll learn to like the pain, to crave it; he tells Minseok he wont be able to live without it eventually. Minseok believes him, trusts him. And when Minseok is coming hard onto the sheets below him, he knows Luhan is right, that the pain is worth it, that he knows he can learn to like it, to want it._

_Luhan comes inside of Minseok and pushes away to lay beside him. He doesn’t speak, or turn to cuddle Minseok, he doesn’t even touch him. “You should go clean yourself up,” he says with a yawn, and then drifts off, leaving Minseok alone to wash up and inspect his bruises in the bathroom mirror. This definitely wasn't what he expected from sex but Luhan loves him, so this must be the right way._

  


_“She doesn’t know anything,” Luhan says to Minseok; his mother has been questioning him about his time with Luhan. “And your friends are just jealous because we’re so close.” His eyes are focused somewhere far away, nostrils flared, lips pressed together. He forces a smile onto his face and tells Minseok not to worry, that he’d take care of everything. Minseok doesn’t know what he means by that, but it’s okay because Luhan leans in and kisses him softly, slowly, much like the first kiss they shared on Minseok’s fourteenth birthday._

_Minseok spends nearly all his free time with Luhan, convinced to stay with Luhan in his room, kissing, touching, experimenting, just the two of them. Minseok learns about sex, about passion and desire. He learns, from the look in Luhan’s eyes each time, about lust and dominance and his place in the world, their relationship. He’s beaten and bruised, lets himself bend to any and everything Luhan asks of him. He’s degraded, humiliated, tied, whipped, gagged, whatever Luhan wants. Because, he loves Luhan._

_By the end of senior year all of his friends have given up on him. In every class, in the halls, sitting in the lunch room alone, Minseok is the odd one out. And Luhan, he has his own reputation. He is cruel, cold and calculating. He’s slow to speak but quick to turn to violence. He spends much of his time in school being spoken to, lecture after lecture trying to correct his antisocial behavior. But, Luhan is also charming. Many unable to keep away from him, learning that, if you’re on Luhan’s good side, he can be quite pleasant and easy to talk to. He has this way about him, something in the way he walks, how he holds his head high, confident, sure of himself. Luhan knows he’s better than everyone, even Minseok, but he would never tell him that. Minseok is important to him, he’s Luhan’s obsession. Minseok is his._

_“You know you’re mine right?” Luhan whispers into Minseok’s neck. They’re at a party, pressed against a wall in a dark corner of the room. Minseok’s eyes are closed, but he nods, with long fingers wrapped around his throat, he knows who he belongs to. “Good,” Luhan grins, presses his knee hard between Minseok’s thighs. “Thats why I brought you here tonight.” He tightens his grip on Minseok’s neck, moves in a little closer. “To show everyone, so they know they cant have you like I can.”_

_Minseok whimpers, squirming uncomfortably when a hand slips into the front of his jeans. “L— Luhan,” he scans the room, it’s filled with people, a few of them watching. “Not here… Luhan, not in front of all these people.” He raises his arms, attempting to push Luhan away, but his throat is squeezed tighter, he’s pushed into the wall harder. “Luhan,” he whispers, “please.”_

_Luhan releases Minseok carelessly with a loud scoff, tongue dragging along his top row of teeth. His gaze is incredulous, upper lip pulled back, eyes narrowed, his hands balled into fists against the wall beside Minseok’s head. He backs away, twists his head to crack his neck and wanders off, mumbling to himself, something about being told what to do._

_It isn’t until he catches his breath a few minutes later, letting his eyes flicker open slowly, that he realizes someone is leaning against the wall beside him. It’s someone he recognizes from school, a sophomore named Jongin. He’s tall and handsome and, up close, his skin is beautiful, even in the dim lighting of the dark corner they’re standing in. He gives Jongin a small smile, wonders how long he’s been standing there, and why._

_“Is Luhan bothering you?” he asks, finally returning Minseok’s smile. “Sorry,” he continues when Minseok doesn’t speak, “I just… couldn't help noticing he, quite literally, had you backed into a corner.” He raises his arm, places the palm of his hand on Minseok’s bicep and slides it down to grip around his elbow. “You looked uncomfortable.”_

_Minseok gives a quick glance to the hand on his arm then looks up to frown at Jongin. “He’s my boyfriend, why would I be uncomfortable?” He steps back to let Jongin’s hand fall and then crosses his arms over his chest, an unhappy glare still directed at Jongin._

_Realization hits and Jongin smiles wide, letting out an amused scoff. He moves in closer to Minseok, placing his hands flat on the wall beside his head. “So, you’re the Minseok everyone talks about?” He’s still moving closer, his chest almost bumping Minseok’s, and Minseok begins to panic. “Thought you’d be hotter,” his eyes look Minseok’s body over, “or at least taller.”_

_Minseok wants to speak. He wants to tell Jongin to back off, to stop moving closer likes he’s going to try to kiss him, but nothing will come out. He just shifts his body against the wall and turns his head so he’s facing away from Jongin’s advances. His breath catches in his chest when he feels a hand land on his waist and, as quickly as it came, the hand is gone, paired with the sound of a pained yelp. Minseok’s eyes open and what he sees scares him._

_“What do you think you’re doing?” Luhan snaps. He’s got a hand twisted in Jongin’s shirt, pulling the taller down so he can glare at eye level. His chest is heaving livid breaths, like a raging bull, ready to trash Jongin like a china shop. The first hit comes from Luhan’s free hand, a sucker punch right to the side of Jongin’s face; he’d fall to the ground but Luhan’s grip on his shirt remains strong. “Who do you think you are?” Luhan growls, lands another punch, to Jongin’s stomach this time. “Insulting Minseok, you useless waste of space.” Another punch, to Jongin’s mouth, has a line of blood dripping down his chin, onto his previously crisp, white button up._

_Minseok watches in a silent panic, not knowing what to do. He reaches his arms out a few times, thinking of maybe grabbing Luhan, stopping him, but the look in Luhan’s eyes frightens him. He winces with Jongin through the next few hits. Jongin whimpers pathetically, uses any strength he has left to try and push Luhan away, but it’s not an easy task; Luhan is too strong, too angry to be moved, and Jongin can barely see through the blood blurring his vision._

_Finally, Jongin drops to the floor. Luhan laughs, mocks him, fakes a kick to his stomach just to watch him squirm. The room is silent now, the party stopped to watch the scene unfold. Luhan reaches back, takes Minseok’s hand and roughly pulls him to his side. “You owe him an apology.”_

_“You… fucking kidding me?” Jongin gets out between heavy breaths, body still shaking on the floor._

_Luhan smiles up at the ceiling, licks over his lips a few times and shakes his head. His smile drops, forms into a scowl, and he swings his leg forward, driving his foot into Jongin’s ribs._

_Jongin howls in pain, curls up on his side, holding himself as he trembles. His eyes widen as Luhan begins to draw his leg back once again and he puts his hands up, looking up to Luhan with fear-filled, wide eyes. “I’m sorry!” he shouts, tears falling from his eyes. He coughs and blood dots along his bottom lip. “I— I’m sorry… fuck, I’m sorry, Minseok!”_

_Luhan releases Minseok, gives him a gentle nudge toward the front door of the house. “Go wait for me outside,” he says, eyes not leaving Jongin. He waits, listens for the sound of the door opening and closing, and then he crouches beside Jongin’s head. “You’re not sorry,” he whispers, crooked smile on his face. He picks at a piece of Jongin’s hair, tucks it back, off of his forehead. “But, if you ever fuck with what’s mine again… you will be.”_

 

* * *

 

 

He hates the room. He hates the uncomfortable bed, the starchy fabric of the pillow cases and sheets, the stupid blackout drapes that don’t close all the way, defeating their own purpose. He hates the murky green and red swirled carpeting and the sickly, jaundice yellow paint on the walls. The tv channels come in scrambled at best and the cobweb up in the corner above the bed is looking down at him, mocking his entire existence. Minseok hates this motel room.

The bed creaks when he flops down on his back, legs dangling off the edge of the mattress. It feels like he’s been here for weeks, months, like his entire life he’s known nothing but these four ugly, yellow walls. But in reality, it’s been six days and he hasn’t been outside in over four. He’s restless and angry with Luhan; why does he get to leave and go do whatever it is that he does, while Minseok is stuck inside all day with reruns of shows older than himself? He’s miserable, absolutely, positively, miserable and he fully plans on letting Luhan know. Whenever he finally decides to come back.

He listens to the clock ticking, that stupid, ugly clock on the wall that he’s spent more time than he cares to remember staring at. He listens to three minutes tick by and then flips onto his side with an annoyed huff, flinging his arms up above his head and rolling his eyes. “This is so boring,” he whines aloud.

His mind begins to wander, something he normally tries not to do, because it usually takes him to things he’d rather not think about. Like Luhan’s mother. It’s vivid in his memory, the way Luhan held her against the wall, her screaming, Luhan’s anger followed by his mother’s silence. It gives Minseok chills thinking about it, about how he watched it happen, how he helped Luhan bury her in the backyard. He never thought Luhan was capable of something like that. He knows Luhan had a reputation for being angry and getting violent, but he never thought of Luhan actually _killing_ anyone.

Minseok moves to the center of the bed and hops up to sit cross-legged, staring straight ahead at the television. He changes the channel, another trashy reality show, but it’s less fuzzy so he sticks with it. Though his eyes are focused on the screen, his thoughts are far away from the two people throwing punches at each other in front of a live studio audience. He wonders what Luhan is doing now. Where he is. If he’s with anyone. He frowns, pokes his bottom lip out into a pout that he knows Luhan would think is cute. That thought makes him smile like an idiot and he flings himself over, grabbing one of the pillows and hugging it to his chest. He rocks side to side with the pillow, smile still on his face, eyes closed tight and he imagines it’s Luhan. He really misses him being around all the time. Luhan seems to never be with him anymore except late at night when he comes back and crawls into bed.

He’s lost all sense of time since he’s been here. Days and nights blur together, pass by mostly unnoticed from inside the room. His eyes grow heavy and he begins to doze off, body relaxing, mind forgetting his unhappiness. He’s back home in his room, it’s after school and he’s taking a peaceful nap. He smiles and lets his eyes close.

Three quick knocks on the door shake him from his sleep. He was dreaming about him again, the young boy with the pretty hair and even prettier face. He was saying something this time, which is weird, Minseok thinks, the boy never speaks, only gives a solemn stare and reaches out to him from the muddy water. Minseok shakes the dream out of his mind and sits up, remembers that someone is at the door.

It’s the man with the dog, the one staying in the room beside theirs. “Junmyeon, hi,” Minseok says, eyebrows narrowed in confusion. “What are—“

“Have you seen my dog?” Junmyeon urges. He doesn’t wait for an answer before speaking again. “I know you probably haven’t, but I woke up a little while ago and he’s not in my room.” He gives Minseok a desperate look, grabs onto his shoulder for some kind of support. “I ran around the park… I’ve looked everywhere! He’s—“ His voice breaks and he takes in a deep, shaky breath. “He’s just gone!”

Minseok’s face falls; he places his hand over Junmyeon’s on his shoulder as he lets out a soft huff. “Oh my god, thats awful. I can help you look!”

Junmyeon’s face lights up, he gives Minseok a bright smile and pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank you!”

Minseok pulls away from the hug, giving the other a small smile. “Let me just change really quick and then we can go.” He shuts the door and quickly grabs a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket, throwing them on quickly in place of his pajamas. He looks at the clock, trying to figure out how long he’d have before Luhan gets back. He weighs the odds of being caught outside of the room again. He decides that Junmyeon is a really nice guy, with a very adorable dog, and he’d hate to see him lose the little guy. So he pulls a beanie over his head and marches out the door, returning Junmyeon’s earlier wide smile.

Minseok has his hands shoved into his pockets as he walks beside Junmyeon, their legs falling in step with each other as they head toward the park. Minseok watches Junmyeon’s eyes constantly scanning left and right, looking for any sign of his dog. “So, how did he get out?” Minseok asks, looking straight ahead now.

Junmyeon lets out a heavy sigh, shaking his head and shrugging a bit. “I have no idea. I know I closed the door all the way last night.” He grimaces, “That’s why I’m so confused, dogs don't just open doors and walk out.”

Minseok mimics Junmyeon’s facial expression as he grabs his shoulder. He gives the smallest of smiles and nods, “Don’t worry, we’ll find him,” he reassures.

They walk together for almost two hours, all of which is spent nearly in silence, other than when they call out for little Matcha. When the sun is starting to set and both are complaining of sore feet, they decide to call it a day, much to Junmyeon’s displeasure. He’s heartbroken, hoping desperately that someone had found Matcha and is waiting for the owner to come looking for him. Junmyeon sighs, “Thank you for helping me look for him,” he gives Minseok a half-hearted smile. “I really appreciate it.”

Minseok nods and pats Junmyeon’s shoulder. “I just wish we could have found him.” There’s a short pause where both look at the ground as they walk. “I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually, don’t lose hope!” His smile fades and he puts his hands in his pockets, looks down at the ground. “I um… I had a puppy when I was a little kid and he went missing not long after I got him.” He looks to Junmyeon, who gives him a sad look. “His name was Bandit and he was the best. He just disappeared from my yard one night and I never saw him again.” Junmyeon runs a hand down Minseok back and murmurs an apology to him. “It’s okay,” he forces a smile, “it was a long time ago. I still miss him sometimes though, just because I don’t know what happened to him.” Minseok stops walking suddenly and turns to Junmyeon; he grabs him by the arms and sets a serious look on his face. “That’s why we can’t give up! We will find Matcha!” He smiles brightly and nods, letting out a harsh breath through his nose. “We’ll bring him home!”

Minseok watches the smile curve onto Junmyeon’s lips; he tilts his head at the look that flashes through his eyes, something Minseok doesn’t recognize. “Thank you, Minseok, really.”

The way Junmyeon looks at Minseok makes his cheeks heat up; he has to look away quickly, hoping Junmyeon doesn’t notice. “I should, um, probably get back to my room. My uh… Luhan will be back soon.” He gives a strained smile and puffs out a quick, heavy breath, bidding goodbye to Junmyeon before rushing off across the street to the motel. He doesn’t look back, just keeps his head down, silently hoping that Luhan isn’t in the room when he gets back, or hanging around somewhere watching him.

But of course, Luhan is sitting at the edge of the desk in the corner of the room, one leg crossed over the other, both hands in the pocket of his hoodie. He doesn’t move, other than to look over at Minseok, and Minseok thinks his lack of a reaction might be more unsettling than if he were to start yelling.

“Where were you?” he says calmly, clearing his throat afterward.

Minseok doesn't speak right away, something he knows Luhan doesn’t like. He weighs the pros and cons of lying, telling Luhan that he’d just gone for a walk, that he was stir crazy sitting in the room for the past few days. Then he thinks, maybe Luhan knows where he’s been, he could have seen him with Junmyeon, and then he’d know he was lying to him. He takes in a slow, deep breath. “I was… I went for a walk.” Luhan doesn’t speak. “I— I was bored, I’ve been in this room for days, I had to get out for a bit.”

Luhan hums, seeming indifferent to the answer. But then he stands, turns to Minseok with his fists balled at his sides, and Minseok knows he’s been caught in a lie. Minseok’s heart picks up as Luhan slowly moves closer to him, his breath shortening as his body shakes. He’s caught off guard by the hand pressing into his chest, pushing him into the door behind him. Luhan’s angry, he thinks, and it’s his fault.

“I’ve told you before, Minseok,” his hand slides up, wraps around Minseok’s throat, “you can’t lie to me.” He applies just enough pressure to have Minseok gasping, fear coursing through him; he closes his eyes and leans his head against the door. “Who was the man you were with?” Minseok whimpers but doesn’t speak. “I saw you,” Luhan says through clenched teeth. He pulls Minseok forward and slams him back. “Who was he?”

“J— Junmyeon,” Minseok whispers. “He’s staying in the room next door. He— he wanted me to help him look for his dog.” He cries out when Luhan’s fingers tighten around his neck. “I just helped him look, I swear! Luhan, I swear, thats all!”

Luhan stares, doesn't speak or move, just looks into Minseok’s eyes as if deciding whether to believe him or not. Much to Minseok’s surprise, Luhan releases him and turns to walk away, going through his bag and pulling out a clean shirt. He gives a quick glance to Minseok. “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood today. I believe you.” He turns to Minseok and gives him a small smile. “Get changed, we’re gonna go out for a bit.”

   
 

Minseok doesn’t question where Luhan had gotten the cash from that he pulls out of his wallet, he just sits at the table in the small cafe Luhan brought him to and watches Luhan charm the barista behind the counter. Minseok can see them casually chatting, the barista laughs as he takes the money from Luhan and makes change to hand back. The barista has dyed blonde hair and sharp, black lined eyes like a cat; Minseok thinks he’s attractive and wonders if Luhan thinks the same as their hands brush when he’s handed his change. He pushes the thought aside when Luhan turns, leans against the counter, and smiles at him. He wonders what goes through Luhan’s mind when he smiles at him like that, if it’s love and affection, or just the thought of his ownership over Minseok. He can never tell, Luhan is a hard person to read.

Luhan finally returns to the table, two drinks and a plate with a small sandwich, cut in half, placed in the center. Minseok gives a concerned look as Luhan sits. “Just one sandwich?” he asks as Luhan slides the plate across the table to him.

“I ate before I came back, I’m not hungry.” He shrugs, takes a sip of his coffee, “You eat, I’m sure you’re hungry after walking around with that man all day.”

Minseok doesn’t miss Luhan’s eyes narrowing slightly at the mention of Junmyeon. “We didn’t find his dog,” he says sadly, then takes a bite of his sandwich. “He’s pretty upset about it. I think—“

“Enough,” Luhan growls lowly, only loud enough for Minseok to hear. “Enough about him, I don’t care about him or his fucking dog.” He’s angry, Minseok can tell, but his voice is calm and steady. “I don’t want you to see him again,” Luhan says, eyes focused on a bit of condensation sliding down the side of his cup. “He put his hands on you, you know I don’t like that.” He scoffs, the corner of his lip pulling up into a smirk, “He’s lucky I didn’t cut his hands off.”

Minseok smiles from behind his cup, Luhan can be so overprotective sometimes. It’s cute, lets Minseok know just how much Luhan really cares for him. “Yeah but, you wouldn't really?” Minseok asks, trying to keep the goofy grin off of his face.

Luhan grasps either side of the table and leans in close, a grin on his face that would scare anyone who saw. “I wouldn't do that,” Luhan admits, “I’d do something much, much worse to him for touching you.”

Minseok giggles, kicks his feet happily under his seat. “What if he hugged me, huh?” He loves playing this game with Luhan, trying to get his jealous side to come out. It’s fun.

“Why? Did he?”

Minseok’s eyes roll dramatically and he shrugs. “I don’t know, _maybe_ ,” he exaggerates the last word to be playful.

Any sign of amusement fades from Luhan’s expression. He takes a deep breath and breathes out through his nose loudly; his grip on the table turning his knuckles white. “Well then, I’ll kill him.”

Minseok’s eyebrows rise and his feet stop moving. “Luhan,” Minseok whispers, “that's not funny.”

“Did he hug you?”

“N— no,” Minseok lies, quickly returning to his sandwich to avoid Luhan’s piercing gaze.

They’re quiet for a while after that, Minseok too afraid to speak and Luhan lost in thought. Minseok starts to regret playing that little game with Luhan, he hates upsetting him. But sometimes he longs for playful Luhan, it doesn’t happen often, so he tries to coax it out of him. It’s not often it backfires like that. Suddenly, Luhan stands and says he’s going to the bathroom, tells Minseok not to move.

The television on the wall catches Minseok’s attention. It’s turned to a news station, the volume is too low to hear, but luckily the subtitles are on. A local teen boy had killed himself the night before, the story makes Minseok’s heart ache; he can’t imagine how the parents must feel.

He zones out, the news story taking him back to high school. Back to the night Luhan beat up Kim Jongin at a party for insulting him. It’s a distant memory now, Luhan kicking Jongin on the ground, threatening him, everyone in the room watching silently. And then, he remembers, three days later finding out Jongin had commit suicide. His parents found him in their backyard, hanging from a low branch on a tree, a small step stool kicked over below his swinging body. He can remember the reaction of people in school, horrified disbelief. How could Kim Jongin, the brightest, happiest kid in school have done such a thing? There were no signs, no note left for his parents or friends, no reasoning left behind for why he did what he did. Minseok remembers going to his funeral, walking by a group of Jongin’s friends, talking in hushed voices about Luhan. _“I bet it’s his fault somehow,” one boy said, “I mean how weird is it that Luhan beats him up and then three days later he… he’s just gone?”_

Minseok leans forward in his seat, spotting Luhan coming out of the bathroom. The boy’s words replay in his head on a loop as he watches Luhan come closer. What if it was Luhan’s fault? What if he did have something to do with Jongin’s death? He shakes his head, trying to push the thought out. He watched Luhan kill his mother. What if Luhan… killed Kim Jongin?

“Hey,” Luhan smiles, “ready to go?”

Minseok successfully pushes the awful thoughts to the back of his mind and forces a smile onto his face, he nods. “Yeah, we can go.”

Luhan holds his hand out, taking Minseok’s and begins walking them toward the door. He looks back at the tv on the wall, the news story now reporting a young boy from the next town over that went missing over night, the frantic parents begging and pleading for his abductor to return him safely. Luhan smirks, tightens his grip on Minseok’s hand, and walks them out of the cafe.

 

* * *

 

 

_Luhan’s arms are wrapped around Minseok from behind as they walk. It’s more of an awkward waddle, with the way Luhan is pressed so closely behind Minseok, grip tight around his waist. Minseok giggles, the kisses planted over and over on his neck tickling, and Luhan starts to sneak his hands up Minseok’s shirt, an attempt to tickle the soft skin there. Luhan nips just under Minseok’s ear, whispers dirty words that make Minseok blush._

_“Luhan,” Minseok whines, trying his best to shove the taller away, “cut it out.”_

_The grip on Minseok’s waist only tightens; he presses his lips against Minseok’s ear. “What if I don’t wanna, huh?” His voice is low and sends a spark down Minseok’s spine. Luhan feels the shiver and chuckles. “You seem to like it.”_

_Minseok giggles again, pushing away, out of Luhan’s grasp. He turns and continues ahead, skipping backwards to stick his tongue out playfully. “We’re almost to your house, your mom doesn’t need to see you kissing my neck.” Luhan runs forward and catches Minseok in his arms again, kissing his lips a few times with a smile._

_“Well then, we’ll just have to take this to my bedroom then, won’t we?”_

_Minseok grins, kisses Luhan back. “I guess we will.”_

_They enter the house together holding hands, leaving the kissing at the door. It’s quiet, and dark in the living room, they can see a light shining from the kitchen. Luhan calls out for his mother but theres no answer. He shrugs at Minseok as they slip out of their shoes. Luhan uses the silence, the dark room they’re in, to steal a few quick kisses from Minseok, moves his arms behind him to squeeze his ass. Minseok yelps and smacks his hands away with a quiet laugh and an eye roll._

_“Mom!” Luhan calls loudly, “I’m home, where are you?”_

_Theres no answer, but the sound of papers shuffling from the kitchen catches their attention. Minseok opens his mouth to speak but Luhan raises a hand, silencing him immediately. He motions for Minseok to stay put as he steps forward, closer to the kitchen. “Mom, what are you doing?”_ _Luhan enters the kitchen slowly, sticking close to the wall, hands splayed out against the wallpaper. His eyes fall on his mother, standing with her back to him in front of the sink. “Mom?”_  
  
_She turns slowly, face solemn and a sheet of paper in one hand. “What is that?” She doesn’t answer. “Mom, is that mine? Is—“ Luhan clenches his jaw, takes a deep breath in through his nose, “Is that mine? Did you open…_ **my** mail?”

_The face she’s making is unusual, an expression Luhan’s never seen on her. She doesn’t speak at first, taking the time to read over whatever is on the paper in her hands once more. Luhan has a pretty good idea of what it might say; by the way his mother is shaking, he knows who it’s from. He reaches his arm out and takes a step closer, “Give me that.”_

_She shakes her head, pulling her arm back to hold the paper behind her back. “Why?” is all she says; Luhan doesn’t answer. “Why have you been contacting him?” She bites her trembling bottom lip and shakes her head. “Damn it, answer me! Why have you been talking to your father?”_

_In the other room, Minseok’s eyebrows furrow. Luhan’s father? He’s dead. He clearly remembers laying in bed with Luhan a few years ago, Luhan telling him about his father dying. He quietly moves closer, curiosity getting the best of him; he wants to hear what they’re saying, figure out why Luhan had lied to him._

_“Give me the paper.”_

_“No!” his mother says, voice raising, beginning to shake._

_Luhan clenches his fists at his sides and closes his eyes, trying his best to remain calm. He’s always tried his best to hide the rage from his mother, always tried to hide his true self from her. “Mom,” Luhan says calmly, “it’s none of your business. Now hand me my letter.” He reaches for it once again but she jumps back, pressing her body against the wall, hiding the paper behind her once again._

_“Give me the fucking paper, **now** ,” Luhan growls through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to get angry, just fucking listen to me.”_

_Minseok covers his mouth with both hands, eyes wide as he begins to panic. He’s never heard Luhan speak that way to his mother. He’s trying to decide whether or not to enter the kitchen, maybe he can calm Luhan down, when he hears Luhan’s mother shout._

_“Why would you contact him? After everything he put you through! Why, Luhan! I want answers, now!”_

_Luhan scoffs. “He’s in prison for life, what the fuck can he do to me? So what if I wrote him a letter.” His breathing is quick, heavy pants through his open mouth. He points to her and glares. “And, thats my response. So I’d really fucking appreciate it if you’d give it to me.”_

_She slams the paper down on the counter and crosses the room to the phone hanging on the wall. “Everything he did to you and that poor boy. All the therapy,” she begins dialing a number while Luhan moves closer, “all the problems I’ve had to go through with you, and this is what you do?” She shakes her head, eyes welling with tears. “I wont have it in my house.”_

_Luhan stops moving, eyes narrowing at his mother, the paper on the counter long forgotten._

_“I wont have anything to do with him in my house.” She swallows thickly and shakes her head, “And if that includes you, then I guess I can’t have you here either.”_

_Minseok inches his way closer to the room, still too scared to fully enter. Luhan takes another step, hands now curled into tight fists and his top lip curled into an angry snarl. “What are you saying?” his voice is eerily calm._

_His mother throws her arms out to her sides, “I can’t fucking do it anymore!” she screams. “I can’t handle it anymore! I can’t handle you!” She’s crying now, near hysterical. “He ruined you and I tried… I tried to fix you but I just… I can’t do it! You have to leave!” She slams the phone down, disconnecting the call, then redials the number again. “You’re… you’re psychotic! I can see it in your eyes, there’s nothing there! He broke you and I can’t fix it! I’m sending you away, where people who know what they’re doing can—“_

_Luhan crosses the room quickly, silencing his mother with both hands around her throat. He pushes her into the wall, tightening his grip, arms trembling with the force he’s exerting. “I’m not leaving Minseok,” he growls, “I can’t… I won’t leave him.” He digs his nails into her skin. His vision blurs, teeth chattering as blood starts to stain his fingers._

_Minseok enters the room and gasps. “Luhan!” he yells, “Luhan, what are you doing?” He runs to Luhan’s side, grabs his arms and tries to pull him away. Luhan’s mother grabs at him, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tries, and fails, to gasp in a breath. Minseok pulls and pulls at Luhan’s arms but he doesn’t budge. “Luhan stop! You’re gonna kill her!”_

_With one arm, Luhan shoves Minseok away with enough force to throw him to the floor. His mother catches him off guard, shoves him away and runs as he’s trying to regain his balance. He grabs a knife from the sink and lunges forward, catching her by the hair. “I’m not leaving Minseok, you can’t make me!” He tugs her hair and she screams, flails her arms in Minseok’s direction, begging him for help, but he’s frozen in fear, trembling on the floor._

_“Minseok, help!” she screams, “Minseok please!” She gasps, lets out a few sort, shaky breaths and looks down. Luhan steps back and she falls to her knees, hands shaking as they touch her chest, the blood seeping through her shirt and pouring down her body. She makes a few garbled attempts at words, nothing more than grunts and whimpers and then she coughs, blood staining her lips._

_Luhan’s breathing is heavy, chest heaving with each breath. His knuckles are white around the handle of the knife that’s shaking in his grip. “I fucking warned you… you don’t listen.” His mother looks up at him, mouth hanging open, and she hiccups, coughs up more blood. Luhan watches with an expressionless face as she shakes, covers the wound with her trembling hands. And then his nostrils flare, he bares his teeth and jumps forward, stabbing into her stomach once, twice. He huffs out a laugh, retracts the knife and lets it fall to the floor with a clang. “I told you,” he repeats as she falls forward, face flat on the tiled floor. He crouches beside her now lifeless body, lifts her head from the floor by the hair. “But you never listen,” he murmurs. “Just like when I was a kid… you never fucking listened!” he screams, carelessly releases her head, letting it hit the tile with a dull thud._

_Minseok whimpers from behind Luhan. He’s curled in on himself, rocking on his side, near hyperventilating. He’s crying hysterically, entire body shaking as he watches the pool of blood around Luhan’s mother continually expand. He watches Luhan as he talks quietly to himself, uses his foot to push at his mother’s face. He thinks he hears him calling his name, but he can’t be sure, all he hears is his heartbeat pounding in his ears._

_He’s numb, inside and out. It takes a long time for him to stop shaking. He’d just watched Luhan kill someone, his mother. Luhan just killed his mother. Luhan manages to calm him, talk him into burying her in the backyard. He’s covered in blood when Luhan fucks him against the wall in the hallway. After, he lies on his side, trying not to cry again as he watches Luhan smoke a cigarette, he thinks he might like one but he’s too afraid to ask._

_When they go to sleep Luhan cuddles up beside him as usual, both arms wrapped securely around his waist, nose pressed against his neck. Minseok can’t stop thinking long enough to fall asleep. When he closes his eyes he sees Luhan choking his mother, when he opens them he hears her screams. He cries silently, his tears falling and staining the pillow under his head. He tells himself that Luhan did it for him, that he had to. Luhan killed her so he wouldn’t be alone, in a world without Luhan. This thought calms him long enough to drift off._

_For the first time in a long time he dreams of something other than the boy in the river. He sees a knife and blood, Luhan shouting; he can hear a woman’s screams and pleas for help. He wakes with a gasp and sits upright, chest heaving heavily. He’s drenched in sweat and can feel where tears have dried on his cheeks._

_He sits up in bed, moving carefully, not wanting to wake Luhan. He leaves the room, heading for the bathroom, but stops halfway down the hall. The fight, everything that happened, started over a letter from Luhan’s father. A letter from someone he’s thought was dead. He turns, and then hesitates. He knows he shouldn’t, but he really wants to know what the letter says._

_He enters the kitchen slowly, walking on his toes as he crosses the floor, avoiding the pool of blood that hasn't been cleaned yet. The letter is still on the counter where Luhan’s mother had slammed it down. He looks around the room and takes a deep breath._

**_Hate me all you want son, hell try to kill me even, I don't care. But just know it’ll never erase everything I did to you and the little neighbor boy. He’s dead and you’re scarred for life. I bet you’re just as fucked up as I am now. You’re welcome, and see you soon. Love, dad._ **

_Minseok drops the paper and falls back against the counter, taking in deep breaths. What has Luhan been hiding from him? What happened to him? He slowly stands on shaking legs, using the counter to help pull himself up. He has so many questions but, above all, he realizes maybe Luhan isn’t who he thinks he is. Maybe he really is the kind of person his friends tried to warn him he was._

 

* * *

 

 

He’s alone again. The same clock ticking seconds of his life away, the same cobweb in the corner, the same stupid fucking yellow walls. Luhan brought him breakfast earlier in the morning and left, telling him nothing about where he was going or what he’d be doing. He just left Minseok alone in the room. Told him not to leave.

But Minseok leaves.

He marches to the room next door. He wants to see Junmyeon, ask him how he’s doing, maybe see if he needs help looking for Matcha again. He’d find any excuse at this point not to spend another day alone in the room watching scrambled, shitty cable television. And besides, Junmyeon is nice; he has a nice smile and friendly eyes, and the hugs he gives are really warm and comforting. Who better to disobey Luhan with than Junmyeon?

He waits for a few minutes after knocking and then knocks a few more times, a little harder. When no one answers he calls Junmyeon’s name. Still nothing. He tries to peek in the window but unfortunately, his drapes seem to actually close properly. He tries knocking once more. “Junmyeon! Hey, it’s Minseok. I just wanted to know how you’re doing today.” Silence. He leans against the wall beside the door and shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, scans over the parking lot. There’s no sign of Junmyeon. With a heavy sigh he pushes off the wall and returns to his room.

The bed is still just as hard, the fabric rough and itchy, but he flops down anyway. All he feels like doing is pouting, feeling sorry for himself, and being pissed off at Luhan. Luhan says he loves him, but the way he’s been treated the past week says otherwise. If he could find the courage to stand up to Luhan, he thinks he really would. He’d tell him how it’s unfair that he’s trapped in this room, that Luhan gets to come and go as he pleases, unfair that he gave up all his friends for him, isolated himself. All just to be treated like a caged animal.

His anger leads him to thoughts of his former friends. He wonders what they're doing now, if they still think of him, worry for him. _Probably not_. He thinks back to them warning him about Luhan. There's no doubt in his mind now that they were right about him, that he really did beat the shit out of Yixing for no reason. He feels bad for getting angry at them, he knows now he should have listened. He regrets skipping out on the snowboarding trip.

Kim Jongin killed himself just days after Luhan beat him up. It was something coincidental, just odd timing. Minseok knows now that there is no way that's true. He knows Luhan played a hand in Jongin’s death; he knows theres no such thing as coincidence when it comes to Luhan.

He rolls over onto his back and closes his eyes, trying to remember other times things seemed to line up oddly. He thinks all the way back to the day Bandit went missing. It was right after dinner, his mother told him to let him out into the backyard for a little while. That was only a few short days after he’d met Luhan. He called for Bandit an hour later from the backdoor but he was just gone. The gate was opened and Bandit was just, gone. He looked for bandit for days, weeks, Luhan even helped him for a while. But, he never turned up. It’s odd to Minseok that he met Luhan, who has shown nothing but hatred for dogs, and then Bandit was never seen again.

Luhan has slowly separated Minseok from everything he loves.

Minseok lies on the bed for hours, thinking, connecting dots that used to be meaningless to him. Luhan killed his mother. Junmyeon’s dog disappearing from his room in the middle of the night. That weird, terrifying letter from his father who is supposed to be dead. It all adds up to the realization that he doesn’t even know who Luhan really is. He gasps, Junmyeon.

He springs off of the bed and crosses the room quickly, flings the door open and runs to Junmyeon’s room. He pounds his fist on the door, yelling for Junmyeon. “Junmyeon! Junmyeon, please open the door! Please!” He’s frantic as he continues knocking, hands balled into fists around the fabric of his sleeves. Is that where Luhan went today? Has he done something to Junmyeon for touching him? “Jun—“

The door opens quickly, Junmyeon looks at Minseok with wide eyes. “Whats wrong?”

Minseok sighs with relief and flings himself into Junmyeon’s arms. “I thought… Luhan…” He pulls away from Junmyeon and flattens his shirt down. “I knocked earlier, a few hours ago and you didn’t answer.” He’s breathing heavy, trying not to cry. “I thought something happened, that you were…”

“It was probably when I was in the shower.” Junmyeon grabs Minseok’s shoulders and pushes him back. “I’m fine, Minseok. Are _you_ okay?”

Minseok is staring down between their feet, eyes shifting side to side. He’s trying to calm himself, get his breathing steady; he shakes his head. “I— I don’t know.” He looks up, eyes searching Junmyeon’s face. “I think… I have to go.” He swallows thickly, gulping around the lump in his throat, “Just, be… safe.” He returns to his room, leaving Junmyeon standing in his doorway filled with worry and confusion.

Back in his room, he’s trembling, and he doesn’t know why. Fear that Luhan had just seen what happened, fear that Luhan may still harm Junmyeon, or maybe just fear of Luhan in general. How, _why_ did it take him so long to see what Luhan truly is? He sits at the edge of the bed and rubs both hands over his face, both legs bouncing anxiously. _Jongdae was right_ , he thinks, tugs on the hair at both sides of his head, Luhan really got into his head and fucked him up. He lets out a sudden sob, hands tightening in his hair, pulling until it feels like it’s going to rip out. He sees flashes of Luhan’s mother, his hands around her neck. Hears her pleas for help and how he did absolutely nothing to save her. He can hear the sound the shovel made as it broke through the earth, her bones cracking and snapping as Luhan beat her lifeless body with a bat. He can feel the warm blood spraying him, hear the sound of the dirt piling over her, dirtying the apron she’s still wearing.

His vision is blurred by tears when he stands. He trips over his own feet and stumbles forward, hitting his knee against the leg of the desk. He watched Luhan kill someone, _helped_ him hide the body. His stomach lurches and he quickly brings his hand up to cover his mouth as he gags. He keeps most of the vomit down until he makes it to the bathroom where he flings himself onto the floor, retching into the toilet, pathetic whimpers echoing around the bowl. Once his stomach is emptied he doesn’t move, just stays still with his cheek pressed into the toilet seat, letting tears and spit slide down his face. He feels so weak when he lifts his arm to flush the toilet; he doesn’t want to get up, he wants to just stay here until Luhan finds him, curled up and hysterical.

Theres a few quick knocks on the door and Minseok loses it, lets out a loud, tearful wail. He doesn’t get up, just curls further in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest, shaking and sobbing. He hears the door open, footsteps across the carpet, and then he sees a set of shoes in the doorway.

“Minseok, oh my god! Whats wrong?” Junmyeon rushes to Minseok’s side, drops to his knees to get ahold of Minseok, trying to pull his arms free from his legs. “Minseok?” He reaches out once more but Minseok flings himself away, leaning against the bathtub.

“No!” He pushes Junmyeon’s hands away, shaking his head with closed eyes. “No! You have to go! You— you can’t be here, it’s not safe!” Junmyeon tries to grab at Minseok, only to be shoved away again. “I said you have to go, he’ll be back soon!”

Junmyeon’s eyes narrow; he leans back with a curious look. He sits on his heels in front of Minseok and waits for him to calm. “Who, Minseok? Who will be back?”

Minseok opens his eyes long enough to let out a sad whimper, then closes them again, hands going up to pull at his hair. “My… Luhan, my boyfriend. He… if he comes back and sees you here he’ll…” He suddenly stops crying, opens his eyes and leans close to Junmyeon. His eyes are lined with tears and the corners of his lips are downturned, trembling as he attempts to speak. “He killed your dog,” he whispers, eyes not meeting Junmyeon’s. “Just like he killed Bandit… just like he killed his mom… Kim Jongin.”

Junmyeon doesn’t move, or speak, he holds his breath as he stares at Minseok. “You… are you sure?” He’s whispering, face twisted in fear or worry, or both. He grasps Minseok’s shoulder, “Minseok, are you sure?” Minseok whimpers and nods, crumbles into a pile on the floor, tears streaming down his face. Junmyeon pulls at his arms, stopping him from tugging at his hair. “We have to call the police,” he says as he pulls his phone from his pocket.

Suddenly, Minseok jumps up; he snatches the phone from Junmyeon’s hand and backs away. “No! You can’t!” He studies Junmyeon’s face, confusion written all over it. “He— he’s all I have,” he chokes on a sob, hiccups, “You can’t!”

“Minseok—“

“No!” Minseok screams, dodging Junmyeon’s attempt to take his phone back. “You can’t! You can’t! You can’t!” he repeats over and over, flailing, keeping the phone from Junmyeon. When Junmyeon finally gets the phone back and stands Minseok looks up at him from his knees, sobbing, trembling. “Don’t take him away. Don’t take him away. Please!”

“Minseok,” Junmyeon says softly, voice filled with worry. He can’t help but wonder what Luhan has done to him. He takes a step back, slips his phone back into his pocket and lets out a soft sigh. “I won’t. Will you just do one thing for me?” He waits for Minseok to nod. “Come to my room with me so we can talk okay? Just talk, thats all. I won’t call the police, okay?”

“Okay,” Minseok whispers. He wipes the tears from his face and uses the bathtub to push himself off the floor. “Okay,” he repeats once he’s face to face with Junmyeon.

He feels uncomfortable sitting at the edge of Junmyeon’s bed. He’s looking around the room, trying to avoid eye contact. He can’t believe he just told Junmyeon so much about Luhan; he shivers, Luhan is going to be really angry with him. He wants to apologize to Junmyeon, for Luhan killing his dog, he knows how it feels to lose a pet.

They sit in silence for a long time. Minseok thinks. He thinks about Luhan’s mom, Bandit, Matcha, Jongin. He wonders how many other people Luhan has killed, if he’ll add Junmyeon to that list after today. He hopes not. “Junmyeon,” Minseok finally speaks, “can I use your phone?”

Junmyeon hands the phone over quickly, thinking Minseok is going to make the right decision, that he’s going to call the police. He watches Minseok type, his eyes scanning the screen quickly, widening as he reads something. He stands and sits beside Minseok, taking a look at the screen. “Who’s that?” he asks, looking at the picture of a young boy with pink hair.

Minseok lets out a shaky breath, the phone slips from his hand onto the floor. “It’s the boy in the river,” he whispers.

   


He’s rushing around the room, grabbing up the small amount of clothes he’d brought, the book, tossing it all haphazardly into his duffle bag. In the room next door Junmyeon is doing the same. They’d agreed to meet at Junmyeon’s car in ten minutes and then leave together.

Minseok is going to leave Luhan.

He stops packing suddenly, a pain shooting through his chest. The thought of leaving Luhan hurts. He collapses in front of his bag and cries, covering his face with both hands. He doesn’t want to leave Luhan, but he knows he has to. He knows he’s not safe, Junmyeon’s not safe. He has to go. They have to go. They have to get as far away from Luhan as possible, and then call the police.

He’s zipping his bag when the door opens, swings back and hits the wall with a bang. Luhan looks down at him, expressionless, eyes narrowed; he tips his head to the side and huffs. “Going somewhere?”

Minseok doesn’t speak, he can’t speak. His teeth chatter in fear as Luhan takes a slow step forward, reaches out to swing the door shut, clicks the lock into place. Minseok’s breath catches and he bites his quivering bottom lip, effectively silencing a whimper. “You… you killed him, the boy in the river. You killed Baekhyun, didn’t you?”

Luhan smiles fondly. “Of course not, why do you think my father is in prison?”

“You’re lying.”

Luhan steps forward, hovering over Minseok. He kicks Minseok’s bag aside and leans a little closer. “Who are you to question me?”

Minseok notices now the blood staining Luhan’s shirt, drops on his face, smeared on his hands. All still wet. He gasps. “Junmyeon.”

Luhan laughs, “Oh, was he your friend?” He wipes at the blood spotted along his cheek. “Sorry about that,” he says emotionlessly.

“Why?” Minseok cries out, scooting along the floor, further from Luhan.

“I’m the only friend you need.” He scowls, clenches his hands into tight fists. “I’m the only person good enough for you in this world. No one else deserves you, Minseok.”

Minseok gets to his feet, backing himself into a wall. “You’re… you’re crazy!” He watches the change happen in Luhan’s eyes, how they narrow and seem to darken. Minseok acts quick, deciding to forget his bag and just make a run for the door. But, Luhan catches him, reels him in with his fingers twisted into the back of Minseok’s hoodie.

All Minseok can think to do is drop to his knees, hoping Luhan will lose his grip. But it just brings Luhan down on top of him, successfully trapping himself, pinned to the floor. He digs his nails into the carpet, clawing as hard as he can, attempting to get enough grip to drag himself away from Luhan. He feels a hand slip into his hair, grab at the strands, and rip. His head is pulled back; he screams in pain, tries to buck Luhan off of him.

He gets his arms wrapped around the leg of the desk, trying desperately to pull himself up. His legs kick and his body jolts, trying to throw Luhan off, but it’s much harder than it seems. “Luhan! Luhan please!” Minseok cries out, still frantic in his attempts to push Luhan away. “Luhan please just let me go! I won't leave! I wont leave, I’ll stay… Luhan, I’ll stay! Please!” When Luhan shows no signs of relenting, Minseok begins to cry. He flails, rolls onto his back and closes his eyes, swinging his fists blindly at Luhan above him. He’s never hit Luhan before, he’s never hit _anyone_ , but he doesn’t want to die on a dirty motel room floor.

Minseok feels his hand connect with Luhan’s face, it’s not a hard hit, but it’s enough to knock Luhan off balance long enough for Minseok to push Luhan off and scramble to his feet. His breathing is erratic and his heart is nearly pounding out of his chest, but he makes it to the door. Just as he’s turning the handle Luhan grabs him by both shoulders and, with an angry growl, tosses him easily across the room. He slams into the wall, mouth open to gasp down deep breaths; the tears still falling from his eyes curve under his chin and meet, dripping down onto his shirt. “Luhan,” he says softly with a hiccup, he swallows thickly and his chin trembles. “P— please, don’t do this,” he begs quietly.

Luhan rushes at him, pins him to the wall with his forearm digging into his throat. His teeth are bared, panting out heavy breaths, and he pushes harder into Minseok, cutting off his air. Minseok fights, scratches deep red marks into Luhan’s arms, pushes at his chest. He can’t breathe, he’s trembling so violently he can’t get a good enough grip on Luhan to shove him off. Tears fall from his eyes as he tries desperately to take in a breath.

“You were going to leave me!” Luhan growls. He removes his arm only long enough to wrap both hands around Minseok’s throat. He pulls him forward and slams him back into the wall, tightening his grip. “You were going to call the police, run away with some… some _fucking stranger_!” He grits his teeth, “After everything I’ve done for you!” He watches Minseok’s eyes roll back, lids fluttering, trying to stay open, to stay conscious. “You don’t just fucking leave me, Minseok. You’re _mine_!”

Tears stain Minseok’s cheeks. The pressure in his head is building, stinging, becoming painful as his vision blurs at the edges. He struggles to breathe, struggles to break free. He wants to run, he wants as far away from Luhan as possible. His eyes flutter; he knows he’s going to pass out soon and then it’ll all be over. Luhan’s nostrils are flared, teeth bared; his eyes are wide, dark… he looks absolutely evil. Minseok wonders if Luhan feels anything at all, sympathy, empathy, if he even cares that he’s killing him.

Luhan’s top lip curls, the pressure on Minseok’s neck tightens. A faint, hoarse sound comes from Minseok. He’s so scared; he’s still trying to fight, panicking. He can feel nails ripping into his skin, everything is so painful; his head feels like it’ll burst at any second. And then, everything stops. The pain, the fear, the panic is gone. He’s calm, more relaxed than he’s ever felt. Minseok blinks once, slowly, and his eyes meet Luhan’s. He mouthes Luhan’s name one last time before everything goes black.

Minseok goes limp, head lolling to the side. Luhan releases him and watches him fall to the floor. He’s taking in quick, shallow breaths, jaw clenched in anger and then suddenly, he gasps. He drops to his knees and scoops Minseok into his arms, lying his head on his lap. His fingers trace Minseok’s face, run through his pink hair, shaking as they graze his closed eyelids. He whimpers, his entire body trembling.

What did he do?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeats his apologies over and over as tears well in his eyes and spill onto his cheeks. “Baekhyun… you’re safe now. You’re safe, no one will ever hurt you again.” He pulls Minseok up and cradles him, rocking back and forth. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay Baekhyun, he wont hurt you anymore.” He sobs into Minseok’s hair, runs his hands up and down his back like a mother calming her child.

He stays on the floor with Minseok for hours, holding his lifeless body in his arms, crying, apologizing. The blood on his hands and shirt dries, stains his skin a dark brown. He stops rocking, stops shaking. He pushes Minseok off of him and stands, grabs Minseok by the ankles and drags him closer to the door.

Luhan showers, changes his clothes, then packs up his things. He waits for nightfall to take his bag, and Minseok’s, to the car. He’s done this before, more times than he can count. It’s second nature to him, killing someone, moving the body. Minseok is locked into the trunk of his car without anyone seeing; he decides to leave Junmyeon, let the police clean up the bloody mess he left behind. With a heavy sigh, he backs out of his parking space and drives away. He looks to the unoccupied seat beside him, contemplating if he misses Minseok or not. He decides that no, he doesn’t, and looks back to the road with a smirk.

He’ll just have to find another boy with pretty pink hair to fill the empty space.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Mommy! Mommy! You’re home! I missed you all day!” Luhan runs up to his mother who’d just walked in the door from work. She’s taking her coat off as he wraps his arms around her hips, pressing the side of his face into her thigh. He giggles when she ruffles his hair. “Did you have a good day at work today?” He looks up with his big, bright eyes, and that smile that crinkles the edges of his eyes, and his mother hums._

_“Of course not! I was too excited to come home and see my favorite little man.” She bends down, eye level with her son, and pinches his nose, chuckling when he lets out a small squeak. “Where’s your father?”_

_Luhan shrugs, following his mother into the kitchen where she opens the fridge, pulling things out to begin dinner._

_“I think he’s in the basement. He told me to go play outside.” Luhan sits cross-legged on the floor and looks up. “We have new neighbors, mommy! They have a son, and his hair is pink, too!” He scoots closer and tugs at her pant leg. “Do you think he’ll be my friend?”_

_His mother looks down, fondness in her eyes and a small smile. “Of course, sweetie. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with the sweetest boy in town?” He hugs her legs, lets her ruffle his hair once more, and then runs off to go play outside._

_He immediately spots the boy playing in his front yard, a stick in his hand that he’s swinging around at imaginary monsters. Luhan wants to be his friend so bad._

  


_“Baekhyun,” Luhan is lying in the grass beside his pink haired neighbor friend. They’d been playing in their front yards all day, running around chasing each other, and now they’re laying down to recharge. He looks to Baekhyun to be sure he’s paying attention. “Um… do you…” He pauses to think. “Does your daddy ever… is he ever mean to you?”_

_Baekhyun sits up now, legs crossed in front of him as he rests his weight on his arms behind him. He shakes his head. “No, my daddy is nice. Is your’s mean to you?”_

_Luhan’s eyebrows furrow and he looks away, starts picking clumps of grass from the ground and tossing it away. He hums, lost in thought, and then shrugs. “Sometimes,” he mumbles quietly._

_“Is it bad?” Baekhyun whispers, leaning closer._

_Luhan shrugs again, mumbles the same response. “Sometimes.”_

_Baekhyun smiles, he’s just a child, with a child’s perspective of the world. He says, “Why don’t you just tell your mom to make him stop?” His smile widens and he places a hand on Luhan’s shoulder. “I’m sure your mom will tell him for you!”_

_Thats the end of the conversation. Luhan has more to say; he could go on for hours, telling Baekhyun plenty of stories about the things his father has done to him. But, he’s scared and embarrassed. What if Baekhyun doesn’t want to be his friend anymore?_

_Luhan doesn’t mention his father again until a few months later. He wasn't planning on saying anything, especially not to his only friend. But, Baekhyun found him hiding behind his garage crying, still trembling in fear. He doesn’t tell Baekhyun exactly what happened, but they both can see the bruises._

_It’s a few weeks later when Luhan’s father asks Baekhyun to come inside with Luhan for snacks. He gives them both juice boxes as they sit at the table munching away on crackers and laughing about whatever game they had been playing outside._

_“It’s pretty hot out today Lu, you should probably go upstairs and take a bath before mom gets home.”_

_The smile falls from Luhan’s face and he pouts at his father. “But… but Baekhyun and I were playing!”_

_His father chuckles, swipes the juice and snacks off the table. “Well, thats alright, why don’t you have Baekhyun go with you? You two can play in the tub.” He smiles, grabs the edge of the table and leans in toward them. “That’ll be fun, wont it?”_

_“Excuse me, sir,” Baekhyun says softly, “but I think my mommy wants me home now.”_

_“Now, now,” Luhan’s father says, placing his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You can’t be going home like that. What will your mother think if you show up all sweaty and dirty?” Baekhyun frowns, thinking about getting in trouble with his mom. “Go on and wash up with Luhan, he’ll show you.”_

_Baekhyun looks to Luhan; his lips are pressed into a thin line and he’s staring straight down at the table. Without a word, he gets up and pulls Baekhyun by the hand, leading him to the bathroom._

_Luhan is already in the bathtub when Baekhyun turns away from the door. He’s still fully dressed, his hands curled around the edge of his t-shirt. He’s confused, eyes blinking curiously as he looks to Luhan. He takes in the odd, blank expression on Luhan’s face and tilts his head. “Luhan, what—“_

_“Only bad little boys tattle,” Luhan says, his voice quiet and eyes dull, staring past Baekhyun to the door._

_“And, you’re both such_ good boys _.” The sudden sound of Luhan’s father’s voice makes Baekhyun jump. The older man slips into the bathroom and shuts the door behind himself, turning the lock with a menacing click that echoes in the room._

_Baekhyun is never the same again. He still plays with Luhan every day. Still laughs and runs around with him, still does well in school. It’s when he’s alone that things change, when it’s quiet and his mind wanders. He hugs himself and shivers; he can still feel the hands on him, sliding down his back, not stopping until he’s in tears. He cries himself to sleep at night. He’s afraid to close the bathroom door at home. His mother thinks he’s just going through a phase and his father tells him to stop being such a baby. He knows he should tell; he should say something to someone about what Luhan’s father did, is still doing. But he’s scared, and he’s a good boy._

Only bad little boys tattle _._  


_“I want to kill my dad,” Luhan says one day, two years into their friendship. They’re ten years old now, still best friends. They’re laying in the shade under the big tree in Baekhyun’s backyard. “I think about it a lot,” Luhan continues when Baekhyun’s head drops onto his shoulder. “I think I’d like to choke him. Or maybe I’d stab him, that would probably hurt a lot.”_

_Baekhyun scoots closer, their thighs touching, he wraps his arms around one of Luhan’s and sighs contentedly. “Then what would you do?”_

_“I’d stab him a lot. Until no more blood comes out of him.” Luhan has a scowl on his face as he speaks, thinking of just how he’d love to torture his father slowly. He knows he’s too small now, he’d never be strong enough, but he knows one day he’ll be able to overpower the man. “I want to hear him scream and cry, Baek. I want him to die slowly… and I want it to hurt a lot.”_

_Baekhyun chuckles, “Thats scary, Luhan. You shouldn’t think things like that.”_

_“Don’t you want him to die?” He presses his cheek into the top of Baekhyun’s head and breathes in; Baekhyun’s always smelled like flowers, it makes him smile. “Don’t you think it would feel good to hurt him… after everything he’s done to us?”_

_Baekhyun turns his head just enough to kiss Luhan’s lips. He giggles and smiles, the smile that reaches his eyes and makes Luhan’s heart flutter. Baekhyun pounces on Luhan, both hands on his shoulders to pin him down. He leans in, kisses his lips once again and gives him a small smile before climbing off of his lap. He moves to lie on his back, takes Luhan’s hand in his own, and lets out a long, heavy sigh. “I think I’d rather die.”_

_“What?” Luhan’s eyebrows raise, shocked by Baekhyun’s words. “But… but, wouldn’t it be better if he was gone?” He desperately wants Baekhyun to agree with him; he doesn’t want Baekhyun to want to die._

_The smile disappears from Baekhyun’s face, along with the happy light thats always been in his eyes. His face suddenly sullen, he turns his head to look up at the clear sky. He shakes his head, “No, I think I really wanna die.” He turns, curls against Luhan’s side, intertwining their fingers. He gives Luhan a crooked smile, “If I die nothing bad can happen to me ever again.”_

_Luhan’s jaw is dropped in awe, Baekhyun’s words swimming in his head. He loves Baekhyun; he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him. He sets his jaw and nods. No one will ever hurt Baekhyun again, he decides._  


_It’s easy to get Baekhyun to ditch his bike against a tree in the thickest part of the woods. He tells him he found something very cool down by the river and that he had to see it. Baekhyun follows closely behind Luhan, their little fingers locked together as they hike downslope through tall grass and weeds. It’s a hot, late summer day, both boys are sweating and panting. Baekhyun whines, asks when they’re going to get to the cool thing Luhan found. Suddenly, Luhan stops. He turns, with a smile, and waits for Baekhyun to smile back. “I love you,” Luhan says, lips pressing into a thin line._

_Baekhyun smiles sweetly, his eyes meeting Luhan’s, until confusion takes over. “I love you too, but where are we?” He looks around, nothing but tall, dense trees surround them; he can hear the river rushing somewhere nearby. He blinks a few times, his smile slowly disappearing with each second that passes in silence. “Luhan?”_

_Luhan jumps forward, holding his arms out; he grabs Baekhyun by the throat with both hands. Baekhyun’s eyes are wide and he stumbles backward, flailing his arms wildly. He tries his best to put up a fight, shaking, and shoving at Luhan. They tumble to the ground when Baekhyun trips over a large rock, successfully breaking himself free from Luhan._

_“What are you doing?” Baekhyun shouts, hands held up in fear, ready to defend himself again._

_Luhan’s face crumbles, his shoulders slouch as he lets out a slow breath. Baekhyun’s never yelled at him before. He sniffles, “You… said you wanted to die. You said you didn’t want anyone to hurt you ever again.” He smiles, reaches his arm out. His heart breaks when Baekhyun flinches away from him, crawls backwards on the muddy ground. This makes Luhan angry, he loves Baekhyun and Baekhyun is supposed to love him back. “I’m just doing what you said you wanted,” Luhan says through clenched teeth._

_Baekhyun stands and takes a few quick steps back. He’s glaring at Luhan and holding a hand over his sore neck. “Don’t ever talk to me again,” Baekhyun says, and then turns to walk away._

_Luhan growls, anger surging through every inch of his body. His vision blurs and everything turns red. He picks up the rock Baekhyun had tripped over and charges forward. Baekhyun hits the ground with a soft thud. Luhan sees the blood and it sends a spark through his body, a small smirk curling his top lip._

_He can’t stop once he’s started. He kicks and punches, stomps on Baekhyun. The sound of bones cracking, the warm sensation from the blood splattering his skin and clothes. Luhan enjoys it, can’t get enough. It’s enthralling, the way Baekhyun’s body jolts with each forceful hit. When the blood stops pouring out, Luhan freezes, bloody hands curled at his sides. He takes in deep breaths; he wants to laugh, he really wants to keep breaking Baekhyun’s body._

_Baekhyun._

_Luhan lets out a trembling breath. He falls to his knees and crawls close, grabs Baekhyun in his arms and presses the blood-matted pink hair into his chest. He holds the lifeless boy in his arms, rocking slowly as tears slide down his cheeks. He’s angry at his father, this is all his fault; if he didn’t touch him, touch them, this wouldn’t have happened. Baekhyun wouldn’t have wanted to die._

_“Baekhyun,” Luhan whimpers, trying to wipe the blood from Baekhyun’s cheek, it only smears. “He won’t hurt you a-anymore,” he whispers, “he can’t… no one can hurt you ever again. I just gave you want you w-wanted.” He drags his fingertips over Baekhyun’s cheekbone, across his lips, and down to his collarbones. Baekhyun is pretty, he’s always been so pretty; maybe thats why his father liked him so much._

_He stands and quickly circles Baekhyun’s body. This is his father’s fault and Luhan is going to make sure the police know as well. He pulls Baekhyun’s shoes off, tugs at the bottom of his jeans, tossing them aside when they slide off. He rips at Baekhyun’s shirt, popping the buttons down the front off, sending them flying in all different directions. He’s seen Baekhyun’s body countless times, but this is the first without his father’s hands roaming all over the soft, perfect skin. Skin his father would never abuse again. His exhale shakes, and he bites his bottom lip as the underwear slide slowly down Baekhyun’s thighs._

_Once Baekhyun is completely stripped down, and Luhan has placed a final, tearful kiss on his lips, he hooks his arms under Baekhyun’s from behind and begins dragging him across the grassy ground. He stops just before the drop off, where the ground descends to meet the rushing river. He hugs Baekhyun close, tells him he loves him, that everything is going to be okay now, and then lets go. Baekhyun’s body tumbles down the slope, splashing loud against the surface of the water, and he’s carried away by the current._

  


_Luhan waits. He knows he needs the to get the timing right, needs to wait until Baekhyun’s body is recovered. He uses the time to plot, to plan his words out, the speech he’ll give to the police. He spends the days returning to where he’d last been with Baekhyun, pacing through the park, getting frustrated as days passed, as people, the entire town, searched for the missing boy._

_It happens a Friday evening after he’d gotten out of school. He’s sitting on a bench in the park, watching a boy that looks to be around his age. He’s playing near the river; Luhan watches closely, the boy is cute. When he shrieks, Luhan knows. He knows the boy has found Baekhyun’s body. He watches as the boy runs across the park and turns the corner, entering a house just across the street._

_All hell seems to break loose after that. Police are next door to his house when he gets home, he knows they’re inside breaking the news to Baekhyun’s parents. He smirks to himself, it’s finally time to get rid of his father. He takes a few deep breaths, working himself into tears, letting them stream down his cheeks as he runs up to his neighbor’s house._

_“Luhan, sweetie whats wrong?” Baekhyun’s mother is in tears as well, her cheeks a blotchy red. She looks worried for Luhan and she grabs his shoulder to calm him._

_“I miss Baekhyun!” Luhan cries out, wiping at his nose with his sleeve. “I asked my daddy where he took him, but he wont tell me!” He wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s mother’s legs and sobs, his entire body trembling violently. He knows the police crowding the small room are watching him, listening to him incriminate his father. He hides his triumphant smirk in the fabric of the woman’s jeans._

_“What do you mean, honey?” She asks, pulling Luhan back to meet his eyes._

_Luhan wipes the tears from his eyes and blinks up at her, he knows this is going to work. “D-daddy took him for ice cream last w-week and when he came back…” He pauses to let his bottom lip tremble, to let more tears build up and line his eyes. “B-Baekhyun wasn’t with him when he came back. He wont tell me where he went!” He hugs her legs again and continues sobbing._

_The room around him is silent. He knows his words have just caused a lightbulb to go on above every adult’s head. A police officer grabs his shoulder and asks him to come talk with him in the other room as the rest file out of the house. He wants to laugh; he wants to laugh right in his father’s face._

_“Is my daddy gonna get in trouble?” Luhan asks the officer sitting across from him. “Did he hurt Baekhyun like he hurts me?” He watches the officer’s eyebrows raise._

_“What do you mean he hurts you?”_

_Luhan bites at his bottom lip and looks away. “S-sometimes he… he touches me.” He pouts, “In the bathtub. He hits me too, but I don’t tell mommy because it would make her sad.” He moves forward on the couch, puts his hands on the coffee table between himself and the officer. “Don’t tell Baekhyun’s mom! She’ll get sad too!”_

_“Has your father… touched Baekhyun too?”_

_Luhan doesn’t answer with words. He covers his mouth and chokes out a sob, nodding his head. “Did daddy hurt Baekhyun?”_

_Luhan never gets his answer, instead, he’s ushered out of the house. The officer leads him along the sidewalk toward his own home. He watches his front door open, can hear his father shouting something as he’s led outside, hands behind his back. Luhan stops, watches his father be led into the back of the police car. He has to stop himself from giggling happily. He dashes away from the officer standing beside him, stopping beside the open window of the police car his father is sitting in. No one is around them; he finally lets the evil smirk spread on his face._

_“You’re gonna go to prison,” he says to his father, “and one day, I’ll be bigger and stronger than you, and I’ll kill you too.” His father opens his mouth to speak but stops when an officer steps up beside Luhan. He stares into his father’s eyes, his top lip curled up, eyes narrowed; his father looks scared. Luhan smiles and waves his hand excitedly, “Bye daddy! I’ll see you soon!” He lets out a small chuckle and lets the police officer sweep him away toward his house._

  


_After his father is arrested for the sexual assault and murder of Baekhyun, Luhan spends his days happily with his mother. He returns to the park everyday, hoping to see the cute boy who’d discovered Baekhyun’s body again. At night Luhan relives Baekhyun’s murder in detail. He remembers the feeling of warm blood hitting his skin, the appealing sound of cracking bones. He wants to kill again. He wants to kill the little boy from the park, wants to feel his blood and shatter his bones._

_So he stalks the boy. For a month, he sits on the bench at the park and watches him play. When the boy shows up on a Saturday afternoon with a puppy and pink hair, his blood runs cold. His hair is like Baekhyun’s, light pink, soft, shiny; he wants to see it matted with blood. He stands and finally approaches the boy._

_“Hello.” The boy jumps when Luhan grabs his shoulder. He turns quickly, the shock leaving his face when his eyes meet Luhan’s._

_“You have pink hair like me!”_

_Luhan gives the boy a wide smile, “So it seems. What’s your name?”_

_“Um, Minseok! What’s yours?”_

_Luhan smiles again; he thinks Minseok is cute, but he’s not Baekhyun. “Luhan.” He leans closer to Minseok, “I couldn’t help but notice you were walking all by yourself. Where are your parents?” He watches Minseok look around, he seems nervous._

_“Well, my house is just around the block so my mom lets me walk here.” Minseok frowns, twists his hands nervously in front of him. “Are you here by yourself?”_

_“I’m always by myself,” Luhan answers after a few seconds. He moves closer to Minseok, watches how the boy seems to back away cautiously. “It’s getting late, Minseok, you should let me walk you home.”_

_Minseok blinks up at Luhan, “W-why?”_

_Luhan wraps an arm around Minseok’s shoulder and starts walking them forward, toward where Minseok was watching his dog play. “You never know what kinda bad person could come sweep you away,” Luhan says with a smirk, looking down at Minseok. “Cute little boys shouldn’t go walking around alone at night, it’s not safe.”_

_“It’s not?” Minseok asks, eyes wide as he stares at Luhan._

_“Didn’t your father ever teach you about strangers?”_

_“I-I don’t have a dad.”_

_“Really,” Luhan says, biting into his bottom lip, “interesting.” He’s silent as he watches the dog run over to them. Minseok fastens the leash to his collar and pets him for a moment. Luhan’s heart is pounding hard against his chest; he’s intrigued by Minseok. He wishes he knew what it was like to not have a father. “We should be friends, Minseok.”_

_“Yeah, okay.”_

_Luhan just stares at Minseok. His eyes narrow as he studies him, from his pink hair down to his tattered old shoes. He’s not Baekhyun, but he’s close. “Okay,” he finally says, giving Minseok a small nod._

_Minseok leaves. Luhan watches, waits for Minseok to enter his home. He follows the same path and walks slowly past Minseok’s house, can see him through the window. Maybe he won’t kill Minseok, maybe he’ll keep him around. The dog barking interrupts him from his thoughts and he scowls. He’ll just have to get rid of that awful dog first, and then Minseok will be his. Only his._

 

* * *

 

Epilogue

 

He’s sat on this bench many times throughout the years. He can remember vividly the days he’d spent in this exact spot, watching, waiting for Baekhyun’s body to be discovered. He leans back and lets out a slow, calming exhale as he closes his eyes and tips his head back. This is where he saw Minseok for the first time nine years ago, back when Minseok’s hair was still a natural black and before that filthy dog started following him around. He lets a smile spread on his face as he thinks of Minseok, soft, sweet Minseok who lacked a father. Luhan knows thats what pulled him in, why he was so obsessed. He desperately wanted to know what it was like to live without a father. He was envious of Minseok. Maybe thats why, deep down, he knew Minseok could never be Baekhyun.

Luhan’s eyes snap open at the sound of a child jumping into the water. He watches the girl swim and splash around; this part of the river is calm, no rushing water to drag her away. He smirks at the thought of her body going under the surface, getting carried away, never to be seen again. He lets out a soft chuckle; he’d never go into that water, it’s so unsanitary, so many things floating around at the bottom that no one knows about.

Baekhyun should still be down there. The bottom of the river would have been a wonderful final resting place for him, Baekhyun would have loved it. But his body had to be discovered, had to be recovered in order for his father to go to prison. He sighs, his father ruins everything.

The wind blows and the paper in Luhan’s hand that he’d forgotten he was holding shifts. He smiles, digs his wallet out of his pocket and opens it. Theres a plastic insert in one of the slots for a credit card, one meant to hold pictures. It’s over half full. He flips to the very back, the first picture he’d ever slipped into it. A faded picture of a happy, smiling Baekhyun is looking back at him. His eyes soften and the edges of his lips curl into a fond smile, one full of memories and longing. He swipes his thumb over Baekhyun’s face, remembering the way his skin felt against his fingertips. He flips to the next picture, another boy with pink hair. Luhan doesn’t know his name, but he knows he’s safe, under the water where no one could ever bring him any harm.

He quickly flips through the rest of the pictures, more of the same pink hair. None of the other boys smile like Baekhyun though, their eyes are all closed, bodies cold and motionless, blood spotting their skin in some of the pictures. He cherishes each and every one of these boys. They’re his family; he’s their protector.

He gets to the first open slot and slides the paper in his hand into it. He tilts his head to the side, inhaling a slow deep breath. Minseok fits in well with his family, he thinks as he stares at the picture of a happy, bright eyed, twelve year old Minseok. He doesn’t remember the day he took this picture of him, but he knows he’s held onto it carefully since then, waiting for the moment he could finally slip it into his wallet.

“Hey! You’re gonna drown me!” a small voice shouts out.

Luhan’s ears perk up at the mention of drowning. His eyes focus in on the children playing. A boy is jumping onto the back of a young girl, trying to drag her down into the water. From where he’s sitting he can hear the boy laughing as the girl tries to fling him off. He loses interest quickly and his eyes drift, following the line of children in the water until…

He gasps, standing before he even thinks, walking toward the group of children in the river.

“Hello,” Luhan says softly, leaning down with his arms wrapped around himself.

“Hi!” The boy with pink hair stares up at him with a wide smile. “Are you here with your friends?” he asks Luhan excitedly.

Luhan shakes his head slowly, watching the pink haired boy’s every move closely. “No. But my entire family is in the river,” he looks around then back to the boy, “somewhere.” The boy puffs out his cheeks and looks around. “Where is your family?”

“At home! I live right over there,” he says, pointing in the direction of the house Minseok’s mother now lives in alone.

Luhan plays with a wet clump of the boy’s hair and hums thoughtfully. “I like your hair, it’s very pretty.”

The boy’s eyes light up and he bounces excitedly. “Thanks! There was a boy that lived down the street from me and he had pretty pink hair so I begged my mommy until she let me dye mine like his!”

Luhan’s eyes narrow and he moves just a little closer, fingers still playing with the boy’s hair. “What does your daddy think of your hair? I bet he doesn’t like it.”

The little boy’s bottom lip trembles just enough for Luhan to notice. He smiles, “It’s okay, my daddy is gone too.” Luhan can feel his heart beating in his ears, he wants to keep this kid, just like he kept Minseok. “We should be friends,” he says, giving the boy’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Whats your name?”

“Sehun!”

“I’m Luhan,” he crouches so that he’s eye level with Sehun and smiles, “Let me walk you home, it’s getting late and it’s not safe for little boys to go walking around alone.”


End file.
